I never planned on being a stay at home mum. Then life happened and here I am just over two and half years later and I’ve still not gone back to work.
I know I am lucky that my husband has a job where this is financially viable for us to do.
I know I am luckier still that I am out in Dubai as a stay at home mum, where it is the “normal” to stay at home so both myself, and the toddler, have a great social network.
But…
I am the mum that looks at you jealously when you drop your baby at nursery dressed in your office attire.
I am the mum that sits in the coffee shop eyeing you drinking hot coffee while my toddler throws himself on the floor in the quest for more chocolate cake.
I am the mum that feels like I’ve done a 60 hour week before Tuesday even rolls around.
I am the mum that quietly despairs when I realise my husband has to work late past bedtime because of deadline pressures.
I am, in a word, jealous.
And I know that the grass is always greener whichever way you look at things. That working mummies would probably give anything to be in my shoes. And even more, those who are struggling to have children would do whatever it took to be me.
So I don’t complain. (Much.)
But this wasn’t in my original plan.
My last day in the office was 24th August 2012 and my original plan was to return to work on the 9th July 2013. Then on the 11th April we emigrated instead and I began my journey to stay at home motherhood.
Now, please, don’t get me wrong when the 9th July 2013 rolled round and I was with my lovely 9 month old baby all I could think was how grateful I was that I WASN’T working. How little he was. How lucky I was to have that time.
Lucky
And I am lucky. Lucky to mould this little boy into the person he is today.
We, as a family, are lucky that we aren’t juggling nursery holidays and closures, along with childhood sicknesses, against 2 full time jobs with limited time off. That if he is sick and needs picking up from nursery I am there to do that no questions asked. That my husband can continue to advance in his career without worrying that he has taken above average compassionate days off this year that could be questioned. That we are able to use my husbands annual leave to enjoy family holidays (have I mentioned we love to travel?!)
I am lucky that I haven’t missed any of his firsts, first steps, first words, first tantrum…
That I get to witness every single day how amazing he is and how he changes.
That I get to see his personality unfold and spot similarities to me or the husband in him at my leisure.
There are so many positives around being stay at home mum I feel like a bad person if I look at the negatives. But as with any situation there is good and bad.
I miss
I miss being financially independent. Earning my own money. In our house, all money has always been our money, but it’s a lot more fun buying presents for the husband when I know at the end of the day he hasn’t financially provided all the cash for it. Plus when I use the bank card to buy said present he gets a text message saying where the card has been used, which kind of spoils the surprise.
I miss using my brain to solve complex problems. It’s not quite the same thinking up craft and cooking projects, which never go the way you expect them too.
I miss progressing in my career and achieving something outside of motherhood.
And I miss adult conversation, about things that aren’t just baby related.
My Ideal World
In an ideal world I would love to work 3 days a week. Using my mind for something other than reciting “Baa Baa Black Sheep” for the 79th million time that day but still getting those 2 days where it can be just mummy and toddler time (and bump too) so I can still do my cooking and crafting projects with him, despite sounding a bit exasperated above I do aspire to be a Pinterest mum.
Mothers
I think at the end of the day, we are all the same. The grass is always a little bit greener, even more so when you are on your 12th tantrum of the day and it’s not even lunchtime yet, or when your boss drops another load of work on your desk and you realise that you will miss bathtime again.
We just need to realise that we are all just doing the best we can.
And these little people, no matter what, love us for being us. And to them, we are the best mummy in the world.
So while being stay at home mum wasn’t my original plan I will continue to embrace it, I probably still will be jealous, but overall, to this little man, and his new baby brother.
I will continue to be the best mummy in the world.
I hear you on all of this Laura. Lovely post x
Author
Thanks Lucy, its nice to know I’m not alone. It’s hard when you know you should feel so privileged (and you are) but being a mum, being a parent even, doesn’t and shouldn’t define you x
I feel exactly what you are saying but I just remind myself that it really isn’t going to be forever but once a mile stone has gone by and missed that is gone forever being a mummy is the best job in the world #picknmixfriday
Author
That is such a fantastic way to look at it and I must remind myself to do this more often xx
Awww I can totallly empathise, all mums need a break, and I’m guessing there’s no family in Dubai to help out. I work 3 days a week and it is the best of both worlds, that I still get to keep some of my identity. But at least your blog can keep you being creative and being you, and hopefully in the future yuo can work again? You’re doing a great job anyhow, just keep blogging! #PicknMix Sabrina xx
Author
Thank you so much for your lovely comment Sabrina. No family to help in Dubai until my mum pops out on holiday and childcare isn’t geared for working really.
I’m hoping that I can continue to mould and develop the blog and maybe, just maybe, look at a new career xx
Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix lovely, love this post. I’m a stay at home Mum even though mine are both in school and I know what you mean about wanting the best of both worlds. My blog is what that’s about for me. For us financially if I work and we have to pay for childcare in the school holidays we’ll be worse off than if I don’t work. Now I work form home with the blog though I feel like I’m getting a bit of me back if that makes any sense! I love having an aim and a purpose, plus I’ve met so many new friends I wish I’d started blogging years ago.
Stevie x #PicknMix @ http://www.acornishmum.com
Author
Makes 100% sense to me and is exactly how i feel with my blog. For us it isn’t about childcare/finance it’s more about opportunities to not be sucked into the all hours jobs. Xx
Such an interesting post. I am about to return to work next week, after my maternity leave and I am anxious but looking forward to it. I thought I would want to be a SAHM but I just don’t think I could do it – I admire you. I am lucky enough that I can do three days a week at work and still spend four with my little bean.
I really enjoyed reading this,
Stacie xx
#PicknMix
Author
This sounds like my absolute ideal and I’d love for you to pop back and let me know how it is going xx
Lovely post, I work full time at the moment and I’d kill to be in your shoes, I feel I miss every second of their day as we’re always running and racing, it’s no way to live and I can’t wait until my contract with work ends this year and I get to stay home for a while!!!! #PicknMix
Author
It’s funny isn’t it how the grass is always greener? I know that I am so so lucky I just need to find an outlet for myself so I don’t feel as though I’m drowning and losing Laura to being just mummy. Which is probably where the blog came in!
I still think the ideal for me would be 3 days, but I bet then it wouldn’t be as you’d rush to fit 5 days work in 3 days! X
This is a topic that really hits home for me lately. I hate not making money. That’s honestly my biggest complaint. I had a career, a house, two cars, and a savings account when my husband and I met. I had never relied on anyone to “take care of me”. And now I feel like that has all changed. Thanks for linking up with me for #momsterslink.
Author
I think that is the biggest thing, I mean I know that it is fantastic to stay home and it definitely is a job. But it isn’t monetised and it does feel a little bit like you’re losing your independence and becoming a “child” who needs someone to take care of you finiancially.
I never planned to be a stay at home Mum either. After my first I went back at 9 months 3 days a week and I found it was so much harder than I thought. Now with two children I am at home – I miss me time and brain time oh and money. But I don’t miss the juggling and gosh all the sick days. I actually don’t think there is a perfect answer when you’re a Mum and I don’t think people appreciate how hard it is being at home sometimes. I said to my husband only last night in utter frustration I never get a break. #momsterslinkup
Author
The logistics sound nightmarish and of course when you need them to be in nursery its when they are sick and need you most. Being pulled in every direction xx
Such lovely blog, thank you for sharing.
I am a stay at home mum most of the time but also work with my baby while my other son is at school.
I would carry on embracing it Hun because I wishI could. I know how lonely it can be being at home but also know when life gets too busy you miss out doing the different activities with your children.
Jacqui
Wow I’ve just this second posted about this. I want to be a SAHM purely because I dont feel I can give 100% to work or them when I return. I dont want to miss out on anything either. I also look enviously at Mums who enjoy their jobs and their time out as it’s not going to be that way for me. Every hour Im at work Im going to be wishing I was at home or doing something else. I dont manage to have time out as it is, so definitely wont manage it when Im working as Im going to have even less time. It’s so tough to find the right balance. Thanks so much for linking up to #PickNMix @ http://www.mummyandmonkeys.com
This post was just so honest and I can relate with it. The part about earning your money, using your brain to solve problems and having adult conversations all hit home. But, one thing I’ve realised from experience is that this phase doesn’t last forever. In a matter of years, these children you held in your arms will be out of the home. So, make the best of it now. Enjoy their company while you can. I salute your decision to make the best of it, even though you never planned it.