Dear Me, You’re A Mother Now….

Dear Me, You’re A Mother Now….

Dear Me,

You might think that the Spice Girls were only formed yesterday, you’d be wrong.  It was 20 years ago.  So even though you still feel like that teenage girl prancing round her room singing “Wannabe” into her hairbrush.  You are a long way from there now.

And it’s NOT cool that you still prance around singing Spice Girls.  And pretend to know the dance to “Stop Right Now”.  And do it badly.

You’re a responsible mother to two small humans.  Humans that depend on you.  That look up to you.  That rely on you.  That right now think your dancing round to the Spice Girls is hilarious.  Trust me.  Give them time and you’ll be met with an eye roll. You’re a mother now.

cheeky boys

Those two small humans have changed you.  You’re a mother now.

Perception of life have changed.  More importantly perceptions on hairstyles have changed. Gone are the days of lovingly curling and tonging your hair.  Or heading to the hairdressers to have a curly blow (Liverpool style from your days in the ‘Pool.  FYI calling it the ‘Pool has never been cool or accepted.  Please cease immediately) even further behind are the poker straight days of finding out ghds could tame your frizzy mane.  No, these days you sport the “mum” do.  The pulled back pony tail with a sprinkling of talc to hide the fact you’ve not washed it in a week.  The talc is fooling no one. You’re a mother now.

Curly Blow and Drinking Cocktails

Curly Blow and Drinking Cocktails

Gone too are the days of the size 10 12 fitted clothes.  While your clothes may be an optimistic size 12, they are now floaty and empire waisted.  To hide the control pants you wear on special occasions.  And to allow you to breeeathe on the normal days. You’re a mother now.

Gone are the days of underwire. They left when you realised how uncomfortable it is having your boobs lifted off your belly button. Which leads nicely to gone are the days of perky boobs.  Of being able to leave the house wearing NO BRA and not tripping over said boobs.  Of nipples being normal sized instead of dinner plate.  You may as well stop kidding yourself that they will return to normal.  They won’t.  Save for a boob job or embrace them.  With your knees maybe? You’re a mother now.

P1020257

Gone are the days that you required concealer to hide the bags under your eyes from that one drink after a long day in the office turning into a night of raving debauchery culminating with you dancing on the bar whilst being that oh so classy bird that those around you have come to know and love, chugging straight from the bottle.  No, these days, the concealer.  Which by the way you need to BUY A NEW ONE, is used to hide the fact that you have been up through the night with one or both boys, hoiking out the now ruined mammaries for the little one and providing your greasy ponytail for the big one to use as a comfort blanket.  Again.  You only use it on special occasions, may I suggest this becomes an every day occurrence so you look a bit less haggard? You’re a mother now.

Gone are the days of ensuring perfect grooming from eyebrow hair to bikini waxing.  May I take a second to remind you of the monkey incident with the Toddler?  Being shamed into personal grooming by a 2 and a half year old BUT not actually doing anything about it because you’re too tired. You’re a mother now.

Gone are the days of heel wearing and that lovely sound they make as they trip trap across the floor.  The nice rhythm beat they make.  Nope, these days it’s all about flip flops.  And it’s true what they say, wearing flip flops constantly makes your feet fat so you no longer fit into all your pretty heels.  And they are still pretty.  Just go look and stroke them.  They miss you. But you’re feet are fat now. And you’re a mother now.

Gone are the days of long, lazy lunches with friends. Where you convince each other that it’s a good idea to drink during the day. It’s not. It leads to bed at 6pm and memory black outs. Having the boys has lessened your ability to drink not increased your capacity. Though it’s potentially increased your need….. You’re a mother now.

Worst Selfie Ever!

Worst Selfie Ever!

Gone are many, many things. Some, because of this thing called motherhood. Some because let’s face it, it was time they were left behind, much like shoulder pads in the 80’s. No more fake eyelashes (spiders legs). No more spontaneity instead meticulous planning is required for a trip to the corner shop. No more putting yourself first. No more low cut tops (lets face it your boobs just ain’t cut out for it any more). No more wearing contact lenses because you’re too afraid you’ll poke yourself in the eye from tiredness. No more decluttered house, and you know that the Toddler will know if you throw that one manky piece of Lego away. Less silence. More crying, but more laughter too. You’re a mother now.

Let’s face it, life has changed beyond all recognition since these 2 monsters came on the scene.

The Boys

You’re a mother now.

And you wouldn’t have it any other way. But please.

Put down the hairbrush.

And turn the Spice Girls off.

Love me x x x

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40 Comments

  1. August 17, 2015 / 11:38 am

    Haha love this!!!! And so very true!! I too go for the white over talc look and get called Chewbacca by my other half thanks to my ever growing body hair
    Fab post! #MaternityMondays
    Gemma – @mumofabean recently posted…More than JUST a MumMy Profile

    • August 17, 2015 / 1:59 pm

      Haha Chewbacca indeed! Holidays are coming up I’m booked into the salon this weekend 🙂 x

  2. August 17, 2015 / 12:06 pm

    Hehe ahh I can relate to so much of this! I do miss some of the very long lunches with friends. Organising it takes forever!!
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…How to have a second pregnancyMy Profile

    • August 17, 2015 / 1:59 pm

      They used to be some of my favourite days, given that we all live in different countries makes it even more difficult these days. My liver is probably thanking me though x

  3. Rebecca Hall
    August 17, 2015 / 12:14 pm

    I have a 3.5 year old and 14 week old so obviously have been a mother for a little while now but it’s weird how the odd little things stop you sometimes and you realise. Yes I am somebody’s mummy! Happened last week when my daughter had a friend over for tea and her friend just kept calling me X’s mummy. I don’t have a name. I’m just mummy. Or someone’s mummy. And I love it (mostly).

    • August 17, 2015 / 2:01 pm

      It’s strange I feel the same. Sometimes it hits me that I’m not just left school or uni, I am a grown up doing grown up things and that now I am responsible for 2 little lives!

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:21 am

      We do indeed 🙂

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:22 am

      I knew my life would change I just didn’t realise my hair would!

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:24 am

      Haha thanks Elaine! I don’t dare take mine off at the moment haha xx

  4. August 18, 2015 / 9:15 am

    Aww lovely post Hun. Everything changes. I can’t believe how much of a slob I am. Have the longest hair ever but time to straighten it and look pretty? Never! The house is a mess, I’m trollied after 1 glass of wine…goes on! It’s worth it though eh? Xx #twinklytuesday

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:25 am

      I’m trollied after one but it doesn’t stop me thinking my capacity is still there…. xd

  5. August 18, 2015 / 9:27 am

    what a lovely post to read this morning! were the spice girls really 20 years ago?! damn i remember being obsessed!!!haa the concealer – used once in a blue moon – Now, daily argh!

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:26 am

      Thanks Ellie! I know TWENTY years. I felt very very old then x

  6. August 18, 2015 / 9:27 am

    oh my gosh what a brilliant post, glad you linked up before me so I got to read this, just loved it, LOVED it! #TwinklyTuesday

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:26 am

      Haha thanks Mackenzie x

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:27 am

      I was going for a happy family photo, think I failed on all counts! X

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:27 am

      Now I feel old they didn’t come out until I was well into secondary school…. x

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:28 am

      Tell your mummy she’s not alone in the feeling old stakes! X

  7. August 18, 2015 / 12:23 pm

    Love this post! This is so me! But don’t put down the hairbrush yet…a little bit of larking about is what keeps us sane after all xx #twinklytuesday

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:28 am

      Very true, but you’ve not seen me….. I’m LETHAL! X

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:29 am

      So true! Just because my hairs changed doesn’t mean the rest of me has 🙂

  8. August 19, 2015 / 12:57 am

    I can relate to so much of this, life changes so much doesn’t it, wouldn’t change a thing, but would add an extra hour of night time if I could. x
    Caroline recently posted…GoGo Dragons Norwich 2015My Profile

    • August 19, 2015 / 8:30 am

      An hour where they are both asleep would be lovely! X

    • August 20, 2015 / 9:13 pm

      Haha i do this regularly, my hair is curly so I *just* get away with it@

  9. August 20, 2015 / 11:30 am

    I still wear underwired and I still sing Wannabee word for word whenever I hear it! But whilst I do wash my hair every day, I haven’t been to the hairdressers in ten months!! I am also scraping the barrel of my face powder which I use on my eyes and oh, i might shave my legs every three weeks! Great honest post lovely! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • August 20, 2015 / 9:16 pm

      I’m glad I’m not the only one singing and dancing to the spice girls! “If you wannabe my lover you gotta get with my friends” I’ve had my annual hair cut 🙂 my underwire is consigned to waiting to finish breastfeeding then I need to buy new ones!! X

  10. August 20, 2015 / 7:49 pm

    What a fab post, I was reading and agreeing as I was going down!! Being a Mum really does change alot of things doesn’t it. Thanks for linking such a fab post up with the #bestandworst, hope you’ll pop by again! xx
    Helen Gandy recently posted…Cohorted Beauty Box August 2015 – ReviewMy Profile

    • August 20, 2015 / 9:17 pm

      Thanks Helen! Totally changes everything wouldn’t change it for the world though my boobs need a bit of an uplift xx

  11. August 21, 2015 / 1:30 pm

    Lovely post. 😀
    I have however never ever in my entire life, been able to leave the house without a bra on….. I’m almost jealous now! haha

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:04 pm

      Haha it was a brief summer when I was 18…. x

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