Those First World Mum Problems

Those First World Mum Problems

As once again I lift my fork to my mouth to be stopped in my tracks by the bellowing of my youngest child, leading me to fling said fork to one side and pelt up the stairs before he wakes his big brother, I am left pondering this, and other first world Mummy problems I face as I feed the littlest man in my life back to sleep.

Your tea or coffee will never be hot…

Will quite clearly not be drank hot for the foreseeable future. In all likelihood it is probably going to be microwaved at least three times before the first sip even makes it to your mouth.

Cup of tea

 

When your hot food is cold and your cold foot is hot…

You know every time you pick a fork up the baby will sense it and start wailing.  Or a fight will break out that you need to break up.  Or just Muuuuuuuuuum.

Sharing is caring…

They sense when you are eating, when it is delicious and when you are starving.  Then they will hone in and demand you feed them the entire contents of your plate DESPITE their plates containing exactly the same food stuffs.

Lonely dining…

When you put the kiddos down to sleep, sneak out of the room, tiptoe downstairs and sit down with to eat your dinner with your husband, yep you guessed, cue crying. One of you will head upstairs as the other eats alone. At least if you are the first lone eater your food is hot.

Crusty clothing…

The second you slip on beautifully laundered, possibly ironed, sweet Persil (or whatever your washing powder is) smelling items of clothing your children will sense it. And decide to cover you in bodily fluids. Dribble, Vomit, Wee, Poo. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, all 4. The joy doesn’t end when they get older, nope, then new disgusting things join in, bogeys from a picked nose, paint from the craft activity, bits of smushed play doh. The list goes on.

Baby Poop on my shorts

Baby Poop on my shorts

Coochycoochycoo…

You wouldn’t think that I’ve spent the best part of 30 years chattering away in English, or that it’s my primary language (ok, ok, it is my only language) as when you have a baby, especially when they are very young, you talk to them in that coochy coo language. Not only that you then find yourself talking “baby speak” to everyone. Your kids, your husband, your mum, the postman, the girl on the checkout in Asda…..

Pwease can I have a wittle baggy-wag. Fank oooooo

An utter lack of conversational topics other than poo…

As they get older the urge to speak “baby” diminishes. Unfortunately your repertoire does not increase. Poo talk reigns from nappy talk to potty training to accidents. Poo rules. I didn’t realise how much my life would revolve around poo when I had kids. It’s a lot. I even text my husband if the Toddler hasn’t pooed yet to check whether I missed one of those all important bowel movements.

And then I wonder why we never get invited anywhere.

Lopsidedness…

I favour my left side to carry the baby when he’s fed up of the pram, to hold as I feed him and to tuck the toddler under when he’s tantrumming. It’s safe to say my left bicep is honed with only a slight wobble of bingo wing whereas my right bicep is total bingo wing….

It’s safe to say that having children has not only changed my life it’s changed me as a person. Before children I would never have considered drinking microwave tea or shovelling scalding food down my neck in an attempt to eat whilst it was warm. But I wouldn’t change it for the world, those two boys, who fill my life with all these first world problems also fill my life with unrestrained joy, indescribable happiness, so much love, for that I’ll take microwaved tea any day of the week.

boys

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16 Comments

  1. September 28, 2015 / 10:23 am

    Ha the reheated tea…that phenomenon even made it onto my blog’s profile bio! It’s a real thing. Miss my super biceps. Might just start carrying my husband around to get them back.
    Absolutely Prabulous recently posted…Multicolour Vegetable RiceMy Profile

    • September 30, 2015 / 10:52 pm

      Picture when you try it please….

    • September 30, 2015 / 10:53 pm

      Ahh see put us together and we’d have super biceps; My left and your right!

  2. September 29, 2015 / 9:58 am

    Coffee/Tea prepared in the morning and emptied by the time sleep at night.

    This post made me happy this morning.
    *goes back to cleaning morning mess and reheat my coffee for the 3rd time.
    Abigail recently posted…Banana Oatmeal CupcakeMy Profile

  3. September 29, 2015 / 12:34 pm

    OMG!!! I can’t get over the amount me and my husband (and also friends with kids) talk about poo!! It seems so wrong, but it is part of our daily conversation. Talking about our kids poo, not ours. Just had to clarify that. #TwinklyTuesday
    Kelly recently posted…WHAT MY GROCERIES SAY ABOUT MEMy Profile

  4. September 29, 2015 / 12:49 pm

    I only have a 10 month old, but I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said… Poo is the topic of conversation! #twinklytuesday
    NewMummyBlog recently posted…6 things only a parent would sayMy Profile

  5. September 30, 2015 / 12:34 am

    Oh yes, I concur with all the above especially the super bicep. coffee is now drunk as soon as it is made while super hot before I move away from the counter otherwise it will be stone cold while wrangling the baby’s arm out the way to prevent scalding accidents! #maternitymondays
    Loving life with little ones recently posted…Teething baby? Cheeky chompers reviewMy Profile

  6. October 5, 2015 / 2:51 pm

    Oh, this is so true. And your super bicep made me smile. I often told people that one of the benefits of twins was that I was muscling up symmetrically! I am pleased to report that it all gets better… although you go hoarse from nagging the children to pick up after themselves or develop a permanent stoop from picking things off the floor. At least we have options. Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.

    • October 9, 2015 / 7:48 am

      I’m glad it gets better, I think I’ll be the hoarse stooped one…. x

  7. Sarah
    February 4, 2016 / 11:55 am

    Haha his is so :p my life revolves around poo even more so now I have 2 little ones. As for tea and coffee well cwnt rember the lsst time i successfully drank a hot well even warm cuppa. Its such a weird feeling that we now have this little people/person that depends on us now. #ThrowbackThursday #6th commenter

  8. Sarah
    February 4, 2016 / 11:55 am

    Haha his is so :p my life revolves around poo even more so now I have 2 little ones. As for tea and coffee well cwnt rember the lsst time i successfully drank a hot well even warm cuppa. Its such a weird feeling that we now have this little people/person that depends on us now. #ThrowbackThursday #6th commenter

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