Do you have parenting bad days? There are definitely good days and bad days on the front line of parenting.
Those fantastic moments where the Toddler flings his arms around my neck squealing with delight
I love you Mummy
Where the Baby looks at me and just beams from ear to ear. Giggling away infectiously.
The good moments, even if they do sometimes feel like they are few and far between, are the ones that stick in our memory. The ones that we recount to friends. To family. The ones that are documented in smiling photos and touching Facebook statuses. And as Alex says so eloquently in her post “The Truth About Blogs” who wants to document the bad moments?
But what about those bad moments? Those days where you want to crawl back under the covers. The days where you feel like you’re a terrible mother. The days where it feels like there is tantrum after tantrum and not all of them are coming from the children.
Those moments and days where you feel alone. Like it is ONLY you feeling like that.
The days where I shout, even though I know it does us no favours. I know shouting just adds to the chaos. But it makes me feel better for a tiny millisecond before the guilt sets in.
The days where the Toddler has a screaming tantrum over which shoes he does or doesn’t want to wear, where I’m dealing with it through gritted teeth.
The days where he wants and needs my attention more than I have left in me to give.
The days where he is so tired, yet he doesn’t sleep. Or if he naps then he runs rings round me all night.
The days where the Baby spends the day having micro naps, his eyes red ringed from being so tired yet he still doesn’t want to sleep no matter what I try.
The days where the Baby screams if I so much think about laying him down.
The days where the Baby is clinging to my hip like my shadow and the Toddler is taking the opportunity of my attention being away to do things he is not allowed to do. Like draw on the wall. Or put all the toilet roll down the toilet.
The days where my head is banging and I long for adult conversation.
The days after the nights that seem to last forever. Where I have had no sleep. And they haven’t either.
The days where I try to rush through the day, to survive the day, to get through to bedtime so I can be alone. And then feel guilty about rushing through the little moments.
The days where I can’t summon up the energy to do crafts, make rainbow spaghetti or cook with them.
The days where the TV reigns as it gives me a break.
The days I spend an extra 5 minutes in the toilet just to gather my thoughts.
The days where sometimes I just feel like I’m not being the best mum.
The days that aren’t even days but just fragments of each day. Moments that happen.
Those are the moments that I don’t want to record down forever. Yet those are the days that do happen to me. That happen to everyone I know. We are not alone in the bad moments but those bad moments don’t have to define us. Those bad moments can be just that, moments. Forgotten moments in time. Fleeting memories that I know happened but are now fuzzy round the edges.
The moments that are crystal clear are the happy moments. Finding out the Toddler was a boy. Taking him for walks in his pram, being captivated by tree branches. Giggles at our wedding. Food smeared faces on honeymoon. Him stroking my bump while I was pregnant. Kissing my tummy. Talking to the baby. The baby arriving, finding out he was a boy, introducing him to the Toddler. Kisses. Cuddles. Watching the Toddler do something to make the baby laugh.
Smiles.
Love.
My boys.
And those are the moments and days that I choose to remember.
After all, if today I feel like a bad mum, tomorrow I’ll be a better one.
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This post is so beautiful, it made me feel a little emotional! You’re absolutely spot on, and I think we all have those days – but the days that stick in our minds for all the right reasons are the ones we should hold onto 🙂 #Love2Blog
Author
Exactly. We know the bad days and moments happen but we don’t need to hold onto them, just be aware x
I always blog about the bad bits. The bits that make me feel useless because I want to remember them as much as the good bits
Author
My bad days blog posts always turn out like this! Or like the tantrum post I wrote. The mundane bad things, i know that they are there but I don’t want to remember them crystal clearly. The ones that will make us laugh in the future? Like the time I turned around and he’d drawn all over the bed sneakily while pretending to play hide and seek? Definitely. The moments that he hits me in frustration. Nope. I know he’s done it but I don’t need to document it. It can remain fuzzy!
Yes to all of this – the frontline of parenting is a perfect way to describe it! #fartglitter
Author
Thank you. It definitely feels like a battle ground!
This post is brilliant. So honest and emotional. I have so many bad days and I feel like the worst parent in the world. I suppose we need to remember that, that is what parenting is all about. The good, the bad and the ugly x
What a lovely picture of the 3 of you! For all those bad days, the kids make up in various different ways, especially since kids are so forgiving. 😀 #fartglitter
yes, yes and yes! I can relate to the drawing on the wall – it happened last week *sobs* how do they manage to find everything that you don’t want them to?!
I don’t think you are alone at all, the writing on the wall has to be tried at some stage, it is like a huge canvas just waiting to be tested! The good days more than compensate! #MarvMondays
Great post, it is so important to remember we are all doing the same too.
oh I have crazy parenting days! It was hard when my daughter was a toddler running around after her but now it’s a whole new ball game! She certainly wrote on the wall a few times and once chopped some of her hair off amongst other things! it’s absolutely normal- only strange people would have a perfect parenting experience.
Angela
We all have the bad moments but as you say, it is best to remind ourselves that they do not last forever and that the good times always outweigh the hard ones.xx
Great post. Every parent has good and bad days and they’d be telling porkies if they claimed otherwise. We’ve been very lucky with Jack as I can count on the one hand how many times he has had a tantrum in 4 years, but I know we’ve got it coming with Phoebs, she’s already a feisty little thing at 16 months! Did you get the pen off the wall?? x
Oh yes I have a lot of bad parenting days but I don’t really talk about them. Most people seem to think I have got my shiz together but I’m totally firefighting all the time!
Are you kidding? I have days like this ALL THE TIME. Thankfully the good days, or even hours have magical healing properties which make me forget the earlier horrors and retain my sanity.
Here’s to many more good days, hours and moments.
Thanks for linking up to #fartglitter x
Lovely post and what a gorgeous photo of you all together at the end too. I totally get what you mean about the bad parenting days. Unfortunately I have a lot of those. But as you say, we’ll look back and remember the good times and the love because that’s all that matters.xx
Thanks for your honest post.
It often feels like a mistake to share these feelings until you realise how many people in your position want to share them with you too.
Some days it feels like the good bits are five minutes long and the bad parenting takes up the rest of the timetable. But that probably says more about my natural optimism levels than the child care.
A saw a friend of mine this morning and we stopped for a quick chat. She was telling me about her sleepless nights with her newborn and she truly looked shattered bless her. At that moment her baby gave the hugest smile and we both just melted! The little things certainly make the stress worthwhile xx
Oh I have had a day like this today, the toddler burnt himself, the baby swallowed plastic (and quickly vomited it all up alongside his lunch) and I had a sneaky nap on the sofa as I was so tired. Tomorrow will definitely be a better parenting day
Great post Laura. There are some days where even the saintliest would run out of patience! I don’r know any other job where you feel guilty for saying you’ve had a bad day! #effitfriday
Ahhh … the bad days! Always nice to know there are others in the same boat. And it doesn’t make us bad mums, it makes us human … and a little sweary! #effitfriday
I just loved your last sentence here. Sums it all up. I think all us mums suffer from a strange brain disease that affects our memory. We are designed to only remember how great it feels to be a mum not the crap, why else would we have multiple children?
Ahh yes, many a time recently I feel like I want to bang my head against a wall and then they bring back with a cuddle, smile or an ‘I love you’. The fun of motherhood eh! Thanks for hosting #effitfriday xx
You are not alone with the bad days! Everyone has them 🙂 a great honest post. My mummy often spends longer than usual in the bathroom hiding. 😉 #EffitFriday
we all have those days. Unfortunately that doesn’t change anytime soon either. The teenager recently has had me feeling like a total failure. Just gotta chin up and carry on
I definitely have those moments when you just want to curl up and cry. Mostly the good bits make up for it. Mostly… lol. #effitfriday
I think it’s important to recognise and document the bad and good – it’s all part of the journey #effitfriday
Ah a lovely post. Fortunately those little hugs, smiles and giggles make up for bad days! #effitfriday
Im glad to say I am through all of that now, and I really dont remember the bad days, only the ones that make me smile or laugh.
#Effitfriday
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I think that’s exactly what I will be like because the newborn crying days with the Toddler were a haze until the baby was born and now they are a haze again now the little one is 7 months!
Lovely post Laura! As long as the good days out weigh the bad I would call that winning. Everyone has bad days and a post like this is good because it shows others they are not alone. Thanks for hosting #effitfriday 🙂
Debbie
Author
I love that attitude Debbie, the good moments are outweighing the bad at least!
Beautiful post, I know I strive to be an honest blogger as much as poss, whether that means sharing the bad moments as well as the fab ones. I think it’s incredibly important for new Mum’s to know it isn’t all rosy but it IS all worth it, so well done for writing this. (: Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Hope to see you again tomorrow! Kaye xo
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Thanks Kaye. I agree with the whole honest blogging and memoirs, I just don’t always want to remember the bad moments. Which are often monontonous and not worth writing about!x