Dear Baby Boy,
I know being a second child it must seem like all you ever get is hand-me-downs and play dates geared around your big brother.
That nothing at all is yours.
The clothes you wear have all been worn before, and show it. The bed you sleep in was your big brothers. The toys you chew have been chewed before.
That sometimes Mummy can’t drop everything to run to you when you cry (especially when everything involves your big brother and potty training). That cuddles are shared, and are often a little bit too enthusiastic.
That you just have to slot in and around everything. There’s no I can’t leave the house because the baby needs to nap like there was with your big brother, you just have to sleep on the go.
You my gorgeous little man, you take it all in your stride with big beaming smiles for everyone, especially your big brother.
Although, at times, I feel guilty that you don’t have anything new. Anything to say this is just mine. I often remind myself what you do have that your brother didn’t.
You have a Mummy who is now so secure and confident in her parenting abilities and decisions that (generally) nothing phases me. You want to crawl under the table and I’ve not got round to sweeping the floor yet? No problem, it’s only fluff.
You have a Mummy who isn’t stressed out that you aren’t following the textbook routine that the books say you should. That’s fine you’ll do things your own way, read the baby not the book. Lessons I learned the hard way with your big brother. That always sometimes babies don’t do what the the book says. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve read you from day one little man.
You have a Mummy who doesn’t dress you up. No buttons or zips. Vests are my outfit of choice, comfy for you, easy for me put on. You, my last baby, will not wear the little outfits that your brother did. No matter how cute or adorable they are, I’m keeping you my baby for as long as you will let me.
You have a Mummy who is much more relaxed. One who doesn’t jump and run for the thermometer, or worse, Dr Google. A mummy who trusts her instincts to know if you’re unwell. Who doesn’t have an internal debate over giving calpol or not. If I think you need it you get it. If I think you need to ride it out you don’t. I couldn’t tell you how many temperatures you’ve had or what an average temperature for you is. I’ve not needed to.
You have a Mummy who is willing to go with the flow. You’re asleep and we’re meant to be at a coffee morning? No sweat maybe next week. You’re awake when you’re meant to be asleep? How about a walk outside to help you nod off. You don’t feel like eating today? That’s OK sometimes I don’t either.
You have a Mummy who is a dab hand at quick nappy changes. An expert at blowing raspberries. Who will let you explore and get messy. Who will sneak you chocolate. Who has let you watch the telly. Who has already broken every rule she ever set herself and lived to tell the Mummy tale.
You have a Mummy who has provided you with the best toy ever in your big brother. Someone to emulate, to look up to, to chase around. No one can make you laugh like he can.
You have a Mummy who loves you very, very much. First child, second child, it doesn’t matter.
I love you to the moon… And back
I always will.
Love Mummy x x x
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Ah, that’s so lovely. š He’ll love reading that when he’s older
Author
Thank you – I hope so! Poor boy is definitely got a case of second child syndrome!
Absolutely love this post Laura!! I have just shared on my personal facebook as it had me nearly in tears and it is pretty much me and my 2!! Thanks for sharing such an ace post with the #bestandworst this week and see you again!
Author
Thank you Helen, that’s such a lovely thing to say. It’s strange isn’t it how guilty you feel when they are rolling round in their big brothers/sisters clothes and happily chewing on old toys and you feel awful, but you are giving them so much more!
What a lovely post, it’s obvious that each of your boys have their own special place in your heart and your family! I’m still on baby number one, but I fully anticipate being more confident and able to go with the flow with baby no. 2 – at least that’s what I hope for!!! #bestandworst
Author
You definitely will, the things that freaked you out with your first you’ll be like, why oh why did they even matter with the second x
Aww well this is absolutely beautiful I must say!
I sometimes think that I wouldn’t like a second child (and then I do, I can’t make up my mind) as I just love Lily so much I don’t know how I would share the love. I’m sure I would, obviously, it would come naturally but it’s lovely to read this and see the positives for everybody.
Such a down to earth read, I really enjoyed it (and I’ve just subscribed too!)
š
XX
Author
Ahh thank you Lucy, that’s a lovely thing to say š
It was never really a question for us of whether to have a second it was more a question of when (and if) we were lucky enough. It was only when I was pregnant that I began to wonder how on earth we could have enough love for two small people in our life, but your heart just grows and expands to encompass everybody (husband included!)
This was truly beautifully written. I’m the second child and the youngest child and I wish my mom would’ve written me something like this. I’m speechless.
Author
Thank you Sola, I hope he feels the same when he can read
This is lovely and it’s really true. You do wonder if the second ones miss out on stuff. But then my second child said, very clearly, with the sign as well & a kiss, ‘I love you’ today, at 15 months old. Things like that make you realise how much they are gaining from their experiences. #bestandworst
Author
I think the old saying “they don’t know any different” has to be true, they’ve never had anything but a noisy, squashing older sibling bouncing around and my littlest definitely adores his big brother. Most of the time!
Ah this is a lovely post, it will be nice for him to read it when he is older. It’s true, you do relax in to parenting a bit more with your second and start to trust your instincts.
Author
I didn’t realise just how much more go with the flow I was until a friend said to me, oh I’ll call after nap time, when is that? And I said it didn’t matter, with my first I was super strict on making sure he had the time in his bed with no visitors. Now I have a bundle of energy bouncing round while the baby tries to sleep it off!
Awwww what an amazing letter, I am sure my mum felt the same way about my young brother and sister. I like the comment ‘follow the baby not the book’ this is so true, I do not have any kids yet but I think its best to read your baby but will see when its my turn.
It can definitely be tough at times being the second child – you never have your parents’ undivided attention in the way an older sibling has in their earlier years. But equally I totally agree that it’s a benefit that, as parents, we are much more relaxed about things second time around. I often look back and wonder why some things that we just breeze through now were such a big deal first time!
Author
Oh the things that we panicked over with our first, going in the big bath when he was little – second got dunked in alongside his big brother. Every cough we mused over whether he was getting sick – second a cough is a cough. And don’t get me started on the routine side of everything. I’m glad they have each other as they both adore one another and it’s lovely seeing their relationship grow but sometimes it would be nice to be able to split myself in two.
Such a special thing to write for your son and as a mum of two boys I really get it! My don gas always had hand me downs and why not in fact he was proud to wear his big bro’s clothes as he got older. My boys are totally different and I love them both so much in there very own unique ways.
Absolutely loved this post! I only have the one so far but I’m sure all of these things will apply if we have a second – you really do become so much more relaxed as time goes on – everything is a little overwhelming first-time around, especially in those early months. #TwinklyTuesday x
Aw, that’s sweet. Each child always gets something a bit different…. they get siblings, they get to try new things sooner, they get the benefits of hindsight.
Author
This is what I have to keep reminding myself, besides, the youngest won’t miss what he never had!
Lovely post. We’re just beginning to think about number two, and the inevitable guilts are a part of (putting off) that decision. Great to read the other side of the argument. š
Author
It’s different guilt for each child, but in the same breath we are giving them so much more with each other.
i can relate to this post, I always feel a bit guilty that my second born doesn’t have it as good as my first, She gets dragged round dance and swimming classes, woken up to do the school run, has all hand me down clothes but then I see that my second born always has a sibling, someone to play with, toys a plenty! Love post x
Author
Exactly this, I watched my boys earlier and my big one was running round like a crazy thing just to make the little one laugh. No one had the energy to do that for the big one over and over and over!
This is great. I always feel like my daughter (younger child) gets the short end of the stick when it comes to the attention demanded by the older child. We just take for granted that she will e just fine because we have been there and done that while we run around like crazy people trying to figure out everything “new” with the older child. What a wonderful, thoughtful letter.
You couldn’t have said it any better Laura. That’s exactly how I feel with my second child and he just rides along with smiles and frowns. Best of luck on your move to the UK I’m sure it will smooth out soon.
Beautiful post Laura.
The worry you have before having a second, or subsequent child is crazy isn’t it.
How could I possibly share this love I have even further?
But we do, and it’s amazing and brilliant and exhausting all in equal measure.
Your son will love to read this when he is older. What a super mum you are.xx
Beautiful! Makes me feel so much better about not being so full on with my newborn as I run around after his 18 month old sister. Second babies are indeed blessed in so many (different!) ways from baby no. 1. And how blessed we are to have two!