Most of the time you will see me advocating attachment parenting techniques. That is because most of the time I am an “attachment parent” I don’t leave my baby to cry. I breastfeed on demand. I try to listen. I say things like “I understand that by not giving you the pear you’ve shrieked for for the past 27 minutes I’m upsetting you but it’s nearly dinner time” (but I’m not giving in now because what the hell else would the last 30 minutes have achieved??)
But right now?
Right now I am writing this as I am once again trying to breastfeed my youngest son to sleep. He is thrasing in my arms and resisting any effort I attempt to give to comfort him. It is 2 minutes to 8pm and this is the third time I’ve been in his room tonight to try to put him back to sleep. Which he so desperately needs.
And it won’t be the last time I’m in here tonight I’m sure.
I love being an attachment parent. I love that my boys know when they need us we will one hundred and ten percent be there. But tonight?
Tonight I’m tired.
Tonight I’m tired that it’s only ME breastfeeding that will put him back to sleep.
Tonight I’m tired of being bitten, however innocently. I am tired if the blisters. Of the teeth marks.
Tonight I’m tired of listening to the evening go on without me. To hearing laughter drift up the stairs. To hearing my husband give up on waiting and go to bed, without me.
Tonight I’m tired of sitting and feeding in the rocking chair, on my own. Feet up. Writing blog posts. Feeding and feeding.
Tonight I am tired of the game of not knowing will you stay asleep when I put you down. Will you give me an hour before I go to bed or shall I just go now? Will I even get chance to walk down the stairs?
Tonight I’m tired of wondering when you’ll wake up and we do this again.
Tonight I’m tired of always being needed.
Tonight I’m tired of always being wanted.
But…. no matter what
I’ll always be there when you need.
I’ll always be there when you want.
Your tears will always be mopped up (when they eventually stop) and I’ll always dry your eyes.
I may be tired.
I may be exhausted.
I’ll always be your mummy.
I’ll always be there. In one way or another.
You can always count on me.
Even when I’m tired.
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Sending you a big hug – hope little man lets you have a rest soon, I’m sure you’ll all knackered still from your hols?! xx
Yeah, I’m tired too, but if you dare complain some ass will mutter that you can’t cope obviously!
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And that you should just leave them. Which is fine if it’s your style but it’s not mine and if I told someone who did that, when they were complaining they were tired, to try picking the baby up then I can only imagine the grief I’d get!
Hug to you, you are doing such a great job. It takes strength to be there all the time, always present. #fartglitter
Thank you for being so honest, mums need that! I had to pin this as it should be shared #fartglitter
A really honest post which like Mackenzie says is really important! I hope that you are feeling better soon. Big hugs #fartglitter
I feel the same way! I also consider myself an attachment parent (quite literally – my daughter is almost always attached to my hip), and sometimes it’s hard. We went through a rough patch where she pretty much didn’t sleep at all, and I spent pretty much all night in her room with her, trying to get her to sleep. I wouldn’t change it for anything, though. š #fartglitter
Thank you for your honesty, what a brilliant post. I hope your little one lets you have some rest soon. I’m the same, I unfortunately don’t breastfeed any more but I hold my little one until he falls asleep every bedtime and every time he wakes up. I always have and I will as long as he needs me to, even though I’m told I’m ‘making a rod’ and all that. And even though I get tired sometimes, I couldn’t leave him to cry. xx
Big hugs. I’m not an attachment parent but I definitely know how it feels to be tired and spent. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
#fartglitter
It is difficult at times, I remember the frustration and then you see the face of that beautiful baby that needs you and realise they just won’t be like that forever. You’re doing great. #bestworst
Thank you for sharing such a real and honest post. I think sometimes we wear our mum badges and we try to switch off all our own human needs, but sometimes we’re exhausted and and we’re allowed to say it!
I hope that you get some rest and some you time x
#bestandworst
I breastfeed my son to sleep every night too so I totally empathise. Hugs. X
you’re doing a great job and this phase will only last a short time. I feels like for ever whilst you’re in it, I know I had similiar issues with my son at times and he didn’t sleep for 18 months solid, but it’s such a short period in their lifetime. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re allowed because you’re only human like the rest of us Mums!
Gosh it is so hard being a Mummy isn’t it. I can’t imagine how tough it must be breastfeeding right now as I have never been lucky enough to get very far with it so I can only imagine how hard it can be. You are doing amazingly though and no matter how hard it is when we have those snuggles and cuddles we are reminded it’s worth it. Thanks for linking up such an honest post to the #bestandworst
I love this, it is so honest. I think we all need to admit that however we raise our children, it is so hard. You are wonderfully selfless and by acknowledging this, it just reminds us all that we are all human. Sometimes it’s ok to not enjoy it! It doesn’t mean we’re ultimately unhappy or that we need to change – it just means that right in that moment we’re a bit fed up! #bestandworst
Parenting is the only job where you don’t get paid holiday. It’s knackering, isn’t it, I think however you choose to parent? I do remember getting frustrated too and we still do, because Matthew doesn’t sleep well, still at almost six, and whilst I try to be gentle and we work with him to help him, sometimes I just want to shout “go the **** to sleep, I’m done!” But we plod on, and it is worth it! Passes coffee to all the tired parents out there!
Ahhh Laura. I feel you. We all need a break from the constant demands every now and then. My parents had the kids whilst the husband and I had a day in town, shopping, having lunch, and just being the two of us for a while. It was only a few hours but I felt like a new woman! #effitfriday
I’ve found Little B (a boy) so much rougher when it comes to feeding than BB (a girl) was. I don’t know if gender has anything to do with it. I feel a lot like this sometimes too! #effitfriday
I remember feeling exactly like this when I was breastfeeding. It was so hard. But you don’t need me to tell you that this won’t last forever and that you’re doing a fab job. Keep up the good work and hugs to you.
#EffitFridays
I’m not an attachment parent but know what it’s like to be breastfeeding & exhausted. Hope you get some sleep soon! #effitfriday
Attachment parenting sounds exhausting, but also very rewarding knowing your baby is secure in the knowledge you’ll be there. I hope he settled down for you pretty quickly š Thanks for hosting #effitfriday
Debbie
Exhausting. But it probably would be no matter what approach you took? Wishing you a good night’s sleep and a restful weekend. And one of those great days that remind us why the hard ones are worth it! #effitfriday
Yes I really get that. Breastfeeding my youngest ended abruptly at 14/15 months following hand, foot and mouth but I was tired of being bitten etc as well. Now I get climbed on and pinched instead lol #effitfriday
I don’t know about the attachment parenting thing. From what I read about it, I was like that with my oldest when he was an infant but I remember the feedings and how he would only be comforted by me. This is a very open and honest post and many mothers will appreciate this. It makes you human and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope your little one gets sleep so you can rest too. Popping over from #effifriday
my daughter walks right by my wife’s side of the bed every morning to wake me up. Days when we are both home it seems like she doesn’t even realize my wife is there. Its hard sometimes to not yell “Go ask your mother!”
Lovely post. It’s so hard sometimes, but the rewards make up for it. (Eventually!) x #effitfriday
Reading this takes me back to those times in my life that I felt that same way. I would cringe because my nipples were so sore that as soon as my baby started to feed it felt like razor blades scraping at my nipples…which didn’t compare to the mastitis I got 3 times. But somehow through 3 babies in 3 years and all of those feelings my best advice is that some day you won’t be so tired anymore, the kids will sleep through the night with the occasional nightmare, and your breasts will belong to you again. But for now keep on trucking on! And remember to pat yourself on the back sometimes and breathe. Thanks so much for hostessing #effitfridays! Trista, Domesticated Momster
Thank you for your refreshing honesty. Those long evening trying to settle them are so hard, I remember the feeling of sitting listening to all the fun happening downstairs only too well. I hope things settle for you soon. #effitfriday
I love this post, so honest! Sometimes I think we all get tired of trying to do what is right for our children and there are times when we wish we could just do what is easier for us!! But then the rewards must be lovely of this style of parenting, and I applaud you as it isn’t something that I did, or could even do. #effitfriday
A very honest post. lovely. truthful. We all have days like these, they wont last forever. Its ok to feel this way. Stay strong, keep your head up. x
This is me. All this month. I probably don’t completely identify as an “attachment parent” since I don’t know exactly all it entails, but I’m totally exhausted…but it doesn’t mean I won’t endlessly try to soothe my screaming baby…even if it takes hours…every nap and nighttime.