When Did I Become a Shouting Mum?

When Did I Become a Shouting Mum?

It’s been a whirlwind few weeks, leaving Dubai, settling at my mums, dealing with Daddy going back to work.  Temperature changes, sunlight changes, life changes.  It’s been hard to deal with.  The boys, while generally taking everything in their stride, are starting to act up and play up.  And I’m turning into a harridan.

A horrible, shouting, harridan.  Screeching and shrieking, yet having the audacity to tell the boys to use their inside voices when I am most certainly not.

I’ve become a harridan shouting mum and I don’t like it.

The thing is, I know shouting doesn’t work.  And even if it did work it’s not my parenting style.  However tired I may be I like to be an attachment parent.  A safe place for my boys to run too.  Not a harridan for them to run away from.  To rule with fear.  Not my cup of tea.

Yet since the husband headed back to Dubai I’ve been that person.  That harridan.  That shouting mum you can hear down the road….

How many times do I have to tell you?

I’m counting to three….

THAT’S IT WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE

Along with repetitive shouting of their names when they do the whole “I’m not listening” charade.  I’m sure by now everyone round my mums knows my boys names, with an average age of 70 in our street and an abundance of hearing aids that’s no mean feat.

Yes, there are the days that parenting is tough, I’ve been there, I lived them, I’ve cried about them on numerous occasions.  The nights after those days when all you can do is sink down and not say another word.  The days that you hate the sound of your own voice.

Recently, those days have been happening more frequently.  I expected it to be tough being away from the husband, I expected the boys to have difficulty in adjusting, I expected that moving from expat life to UK life would be a rollercoaster.  I knew saying goodbye to Dubai and our life there would impact us all I just didn’t realise it would turn me into this harridan mummy.  This shouting mum.

I hear myself shouting and I cringe.  I look at my boys, being children, and don’t understand why I am flying off the handle.  Why the little things they are doing that I normally take in my stride are driving me up the wall.

When they’re tipping toys all over the floor.

When they’re smushing quavers into the carpet.

When they didn’t want the blue plate they wanted the red one, no the blue, no the red.  Actually the purple one that is in the dishwasher.

When dinner gets left uneaten and thrown at me from behind the highchair.

When they follow me from room to room as I try to make dinner, get a drink or even go the loo.

When they want to go out, until it involves putting shoes on.

The list goes on.  All normal kid stuff.  All stuff that normally I bounce through, all stuff that happens to everyone everywhere.  All stuff that I could, and should, laugh at.  Not shout.  Not become a harridan mum.  A shouting mum.

I could list a million reasons why I’m doing this.  I could cite a thousand excuses.  I could blame sleep deprivation, moving countries and being on my own.  I could blame the unsettled nature of life at the moment unsettling the boys, having them test boundaries.  All of those are true.  All of those are reasons.  All of those are excuses.  All of those are happening.

But they don’t need to define me, to make me this shouting mum.  My boys must be looking at me and wondering where their fun mum has gone.  The mum who jumps in pirate ships to play, pretending that we are sat in the sea surrounded by sharks.

pirate ship

The fun mum who gets in the kitchen and bakes with them.  The fun mum who crawls around and chases them.  The fun mummy that they know and love.  Less of the shouting mum.

The fun mum is still there, the fun mum bursts out and laughter follows.  But the shouting mum is there too.  I don’t know when she came to light, but I do know that I don’t like her.  This shouting mum.

This shouting mum can go do one.  Yes there are times where shouting will be needed, to warn of dangerous situations, when the Baby is about to put his hand in the fire, or pull the TV on himself, or be bitten by the Big One.  When the Big One tries to run off, when he is about to push his brother down the stairs.  The big things that might necessitate shouting.

Until they happen, and I do not doubt that they will, I resolve to box the shouting mum back up.  To start each day fresh, wipe the slate clean if shouting mum has appeared.  To give as many cuddles and kisses as I can.  To be the fun mum.  To sneak into their room at nights to cover them both with kisses and whispered I love you (with not too much worry on what if they wake).  To look at those sleeping faces and be filled with love for the pair of them, and vow that shouting mum stays at bay the next day.  After all there is no way to be a perfect parent but a million ways to be a good one; even on the days you are shouting mum.

sleeping baby

If you liked this post you can also find me on Facebook where I try to not be a shouty, moany mum….

When Did I Become a Shouting Mum - Positive Parenting

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30 Comments

  1. June 10, 2016 / 1:45 am

    I’m trying to stop this too. Unfortunately for me, it’s almost always with my oldest daughter. She’s such a good girl and she doesn’t deserve it, but I struggle to get her to do anything without asking her eight times and I do end up getting far too shouty, poor little thing. I feel so guilty. I’m not helping I know, but you’re not alone.
    Nat.x
    Natalie Ray recently posted…Thursday Photo #109My Profile

    • June 10, 2016 / 1:56 am

      I must admit that this is mainly aimed at my eldest as well. I am guilty of thinking he is older than he is, he’s still a baby. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone, it feels that way sometimes when I’m feeling the pressure from the guilt of shouting 🙁 xxx

  2. June 10, 2016 / 2:58 am

    This is 100% me at the moment. I am trying my absolute hardest to be calm but for some reason I’m not dealing with things as well as I used to. My plan is to try and cut myself some slack and start trying to look after myself, have a bit of me time, go to bed earlier (ha! Typing this at 5 to midnight!) but I honestly think I need to look after myself a bit better so that I can be the Mummy that they deserve xx

  3. June 10, 2016 / 9:31 am

    Oh it’s so hard isn’t it? It’s no wonder you’re feeling like that. Just the added pressure of being in someone else’s house, (even your own mum’s), is enough to stress you out. More aware of every mark/stain/breakage. It will get easier. Are you getting a break at all? Parenting 24/7 on your own is so tough. I find when I’m angry mum, running helps a lot.xx

  4. June 10, 2016 / 10:05 am

    ahhh doll you are so very very hard on yourself. Yes your boys have been through the biggest move in their lives and it wont be easy for them to adjust, but so have you. You’ve left behind your life. Do you understand what that can do to a person? I know you don’t like the way its making you act, but maybe you need to start looking at the reasons for your behaviour, rather than being so harsh in your evaluation of your parenting. You’re all adjusting. No one could be Mary Poppins under these circumstances. Your boys love you. And you them. Lay off the guilt and maybe let yourself mourn the loss of your old life. Massive hugs sweet.

  5. June 10, 2016 / 10:57 am

    I hope I won’t become a shouty mum when my daughter is older. I understand though, you’ve been through a lot. Moving can be stressful, especially abroad. I moved abroad to Denmark last year, but I can imagine it’s just as stressful to move back home. #effitfriday
    Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…My Captured Moment: Big SmileMy Profile

  6. June 10, 2016 / 12:56 pm

    I never wanted to be a shout mum but there are times when I lose my shit a bit and end up shouting “put your shoes on!”. The best was half term when I yelled we weren’t going to the cinema anymore…of course we still did! Bloody kids they send you up the wall!! #effitfriday
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…A Mummy’s Guide To Having A Poorly Baby In HospitalMy Profile

  7. June 10, 2016 / 2:46 pm

    it’s not easy… I used to shout so bloody much (I was also not blessed with patience which doesn’t help) but as you say, you don’t mean to be so shouty, and it does just happen sometimes. In all fairness you really have been through ALOT recently… cut yourself some slack, If I had just been through everything you have, shouting would be the least of my worries lol, Im pretty certain I would have probably ended up in some facility somewhere. We’re only human. #effitfriday
    Laughing Mum recently posted…Operation Bedtime, Husband and Wife Style..My Profile

  8. June 10, 2016 / 3:03 pm

    Sometimes I’m also that shouting mum and I hate it. In such cases, I go away for a minute, take a deep breath in (Yoga helps here 🙂 ), and do my best to shut my mouth before I have said another word to hurt my child’s feelings. It usually works. I’ve learned that my boy doesn’t need to see my emotional weakness.

  9. June 10, 2016 / 4:46 pm

    Mine are 5yrs and 7yrs and I still have the odd shout, you’re their Mum, not their mate and if it means they realise they’ve done something bad enough to make you shout, you’ll reap the benefits even if it doesn’t feel like it immediately. What’s the alternative, let it go and raise badly mannered, disrespectful brats?? See, no need to feel bad about it, we all have our shouty periods. Jeez some weekends I’m hoarse by Sunday night 😉 Bet you’re still their most favourite person in the whole world, right??
    #effitfriday

  10. June 10, 2016 / 5:06 pm

    Must be the week for it as I’ve linked up a post about being a shouty mum too but then my four year old has really been pushing my buttons just recently. He screams and screams and I shout and it’s getting us nowhere. It’s so hard though isn’t it. Maybe moving back to the UK has had a bigger impact on your emotions than you were expecting? I can’t imagine a move like that has been easy. I hope everything starts to settle down soon and that you can go back to playing pirate ships and laughing often.

    #effitfridays

  11. June 10, 2016 / 5:43 pm

    Oh bless you, you’ve all been through such an upheaval though! Its such a stressful time for everyone – and if the children were acting up you’d excuse it because of the hard adjustment theyre going through – but its an adjustment for you too and you’re only human – this is your own little outburst as a result of it all, thats all. It’ll pass and fun mum will be back in no time!

    I know where youre coming from though, I try to “gentle parent” but on the days when my patience is super thin and I can feel myself getting too snappy with my eldest it bothers me and its hard – I forget how little he still is sometimes xx
    Hayley McLean recently posted…That’s Not My Ipad…My Profile

  12. June 10, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    it’s tough isn’t it? I find myself turning into a shouty fish wife and hate it! #effitfriday
    Katie Taylor recently posted…When will I learn?My Profile

  13. June 11, 2016 / 1:35 am

    I cant imagine how hard it must be with all the changes. You are going through so much too, leaving your old life and adjusting to a new one. I hope you feel a bit more settled soon. I always said that I didnt want to be a shouty mum, as the twins get older I am finding that more difficult it has to be said. #effitfriday xxx
    yvonne recently posted…Football WidowMy Profile

  14. June 12, 2016 / 12:43 am

    This made me a little teary because this is me most of the time lately. I can be a little shouty, when needed, but recently I feel like I’ve been shouting all the time and feeling resentful towards my poor children. Then once they’re in bed I cry because I feel like an awful mum. They’re still so little and like you I want them to see me as their safety not a bully, which is how I feel sometimes.

    I don’t know what it is but it’s like too many buttons have been pushed and all of a sudden I can’t contain my fury and steam pours out of my ears.

    I hope my phase passes and I hope you find a little solace knowing that many other mums are going through it too. I like the fact that you’re not highlighting this as a proud moment, for humour purposes. I’ve written many many many times about it being normal to lose your rag and why etc with a touch of giggles, but I also say how our poor little emotional kiddies feel too. Thanks for hosting – sorry about the essay! x #effitfriday

  15. June 12, 2016 / 12:44 pm

    This is such a well-written post. As SB gets older I find myself becoming the shouty mum more and I hate it. I think it’s easy to forget that these little people are testing boundaries and pushing our buttons, and there’s no malice meant by it – they’re just figuring out where they stand in our family and in the world! I too am making an effort to put the shouty mum back in her box where she belongs. Really great post #KCACOLS

  16. June 12, 2016 / 10:34 pm

    Everyone has shouty days. Anyone who says they don’t is just trying to cover up their laryngitis. It will get better & easier. Chin up, deep breaths. #KCACOLS

  17. June 13, 2016 / 2:19 pm

    Shouty is the default in our house! Everything is done at volume…I have given up pretending to be above it or better than that, I’m not! Well done you! x

  18. June 13, 2016 / 6:45 pm

    I really hope i don’t become a shouty mum. My baby girl is nearly 5 months old and such a sweetheart – its hard to ever imagine shouting but I suppose thats a part of parenting. Oh I have it all to come don’t I?

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    Rachel x
    Rachel Bustin recently posted…My Sunday Photo 12/06/2016My Profile

  19. June 14, 2016 / 12:54 am

    I think even the greatest Mums get a bit shouty at times. You’re a human too and life has a habit of getting under our skin sometimes – try not to be so hard on shouty mum – sounds to me like she’s doing the best that she can and she’s pretty flippin awesome at the fun stuff too.

    Thanks for linking up with #fartglitter x

  20. June 14, 2016 / 1:43 am

    Eek sounds just like me too!Mine is mostly frustration that some days absolutely no-one listens to a word I say !I try not to be shouty but I can’t help it x #kcacols

  21. June 14, 2016 / 11:02 am

    Since my son turned three and his demands seem to have frustratingly increased I’m finding myself shouting more and more often and I hate it too. And, like you say, I know it doesn’t work anyway. I wish I had the answers, but please don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you are going through a big adjustment and guilt is so unhelpful xx #kcacols
    Laura recently posted…Becoming Dry At Night With A Bedwetting AlarmMy Profile

  22. June 14, 2016 / 11:11 pm

    We’ve all been the shouting Mum. Every time I turn into her, I realise I’m really not helping the situation but sometimes it can’t be helped. My problem is I shout when I’m scared, if A has run when I’ve told him not to and fallen I just react because I’m worried he’s hurt! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  23. June 15, 2016 / 1:25 am

    I don’t have any advice for you I’m afraid, but just wanted to say that we all have phases when we are more “shouty mum” than other times. Mine seems to be this week because I’m a bit stressed over work. #MarvMondays

  24. June 15, 2016 / 6:30 pm

    You sound like a fab, fun mum… Like you said the shouting mum had probably come about because of all of the stress involved in a major move across the world! Don’t be too hard on yourself, and if you can, make sure you get some ‘me-time’ whether it’s to catch up with sleep, spa, shopping etc? We’ve all been there so don’t beat yourself up about it xxx
    #KCACOLS

  25. June 15, 2016 / 10:19 pm

    It can be so easy to get into a rutherford with this. Recently I was doing this as terrible 2 tantrums and sleepless nights wereally getting to me. Thankfully things calmed down and so did I. We just get so overwhelmed sometimes that I think it breaks us down a bit. I hope it gets better for you. Good Luck. #KCACOLS
    Sarah@teammomlife recently posted…My Summer Bucket ListMy Profile

  26. June 16, 2016 / 4:33 pm

    I love that you’ve made that promise to yourself and your boys. My son helps me out because if I ever get a bit shouty he dissolves into giggles #MarvMondays

  27. June 20, 2016 / 1:16 am

    Yes, I have been experiencing this of late! I am a pretty patient person, I love kids, have worked with kids, am also an attachment style parent. Yet the combination of a just 3 year old and a nearly 2 year old, who are both being willful and more difficult, with me being ill and stress trying to arrange a move and so less patient, has made me increasingly shouty of late. #fartglitter

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