Having a new baby in the house can be stressful. Heck having an old baby in the house is also stressful.
I’m still very much in the sleep deprived haze that is new baby territory, albeit I’m more relaxed with Baby Boy as he is my second and I physically can’t be in two places at once so there is at some point throughout the day, one or both boys crying.
As I wiped baby sick from down my bra with a crusty muslin I got to thinking, this is normal life to me at the moment but to others I must seem like I am whirling around in a new baby haze, that there are certain signs that you have a new baby in the house.
6 Signs You Have a New Baby
You carry a permanent aroma of baby sick around with you. In some cases it’s fairly pungent, in others just a mild whiff, in all cases it is there if you can’t put a finger on the smell its the one that’s a cross between bile and sour milk. Yummy.
The Mum ‘do
You are sporting the mum do, a pony tail where you’ve brushed your hair back with your fingers. In part to keep from finding chunks of baby sick in your hair (see above) but mostly to hide the fact you haven’t showered.
Showering and washing your hair becomes a luxury rather than a necessity. Every time you’re about to place as much as a toe into that lovely, warm, cleansing shower you can guarantee the baby will have a meltdown. This is why dry shampoo was invented. And probably helps explain the aroma of baby sick.
Likewise clean clothes are also a luxury. When you put something clean on you can guarantee it will have baby sick on within the hour. When you put something nice on you can guarantee it will have baby sick on within 5 minutes. If you dare to put something on that suggests you may be going out sans baby? Well. That will be projectile vomitted on before you’ve slipped your (dry shampooed) “mum up do” haired head through it. Best not to bother and stay in pyjamas.
If, by some miracle, you manage to avoid baby sick on your clothes for any substantial length of time then you can guarantee instead that there will be some form of milk making a milk stain. Be it because your boobs are leaking or because you dared attempt to take the bottle out of the babies mouth, you know, because they closed their eyes and tricked you into thinking they were asleep. This milk leakage also accouns for that sour milk vomit smell that follows you round.
You’ve taken out shares in concealer to cover the dark circles under your eyes but forgotten what it’s like to put make up on the rest of your face. Which means you are walking round with dark circles badly covered by concealer. White Panda Eyes if you would. Which only helps to highlight the fact that the rest of your face looks haggered and drawn.
So there you have it, if you ever wondered what I look like it’s haggered, drawn, with terrible make up, sporting the up do and milk/vomit stained clothes, pushing the pram with one hand and pulling the toddler with the other.
Just in case you fail to recognise me from that wonderful description not to worry you’d smell me before you saw me.