The Bedtime Rant

I love my boys more than they could ever and will ever know.

Except for bedtime at the minute.

The pair of them have me driven demented and I could cheerfully chuck them down the stairs.

Let’s take tonight for example.

Should have realised it was all going to go tits up when I lifted the toddler out of the bath and felt something land on my foot.


It was a massive turd.

Then he ran away naked before I had chance to wipe his bum.  Turd in the bed.

Not a good start.

It got better as when we were having milk and snuggle time with the toddler and the baby, baby boy fell asleep easily.  Pulled himself off the boob and was out for the count.

Until I put him in his cot.  And that 3 minute micronap means he is still going strong over an hour later.

Probably a good job he isn’t asleep mind as the Toddler, who has been in his room for the past 30 minutes would definitely have woken him.

I always liked the idea of someone shouting my name adoringly, having a legion of fans and being famous.

Then I had a toddler with a stubborn streak and I’m telling you, it’s not all its cracked up to be.  Kimmy K I salute you…..

“Muuuuummmmeeee come and sleep in my bed”

On repeat.  Reaching a crescendo as I am managing to get the baby’s eyes to close.

Let’s ignore the fact that he is set up with enough toys to open a toy shop and instructions that I will be in as soon as the damn baby is asleep.


Not good enough.

He has to shout and shout.

Until the baby joins in.

And then, I’m not proud to say this, mummy joins in with the shouting. Huffing and puffing as I have to put the baby down and shouting at the toddler to “GET BACK IN THE BED”.

Not making for a restful bedtime routine as advised by those oh so knowledgeable super nannies. Who don’t have kids. Or have to deal with the frustration of doing it every day.

On the 8th time in as many minutes of catapulting the toddler back into his bed and rushing back to pick the baby back up.

Well I too felt like sobbing and joining in with my boys.

You see, I crave that time to myself at night. Chance to do what I want to do. Chance to watch tv without a little person demanding that I put Planes on. And having a baby who wakes through the night means that I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour to be on form for the toddler the next day.

Watching the minutes tick by with two little boys, both crying at this point, both determined not to give in, eating into MY time to relax makes me frustrated to say the least.

It’s a viscious circle. As I get more wound up by them not going to sleep the less likely they are to go to sleep.

What makes it more difficult these days is that there are two of them, and as it stands only one of me. Being in the UK away from the husband also means I don’t have the back up of daddy.

Baby Boys crying reaching a crescendo I shout to the toddler to let me get the Baby to sleep and I will come lie with him – I promise.

Sit on the edge of the bed and take those big shuddery, sobbing, breaths to calm down. Shove my nipple back in his face and stare down at those little eyes staring so trustingly at me. Relish the moment. Actually start to relax, stroke his little cheek and remember back to when the terror was this small. Realise that they aren’t small forever and of course, miracles start to happen and those little eyes flutter shut. And stay shut. Hear another little voice shout mummy again.

Do the baby sleeping shuffle dance, you know, jigging and swaying them down in the cot? Hold my breath waiting to see whether his eyes stay closed and creep to the Toddlers bed.

Baby Sleeping

Feel Zen like.


Who isn’t being a terror, is lying in his bed and pulling the duvet back for you to climb in to snuggle. To talk about his day. To tell you that he chopped mushrooms. To remind you he pooed on your foot. To tell you that trains sat choo choo and that he drove the fire engine that said wooooowooooo.

At that point it doesn’t matter that it’s only an hour until I want to go to bed, I remembered something I read long ago that said

Mummy didn’t come when I asked for a cuddle so I stopped asking

I don’t want that to happen, so a sweep of the hair and a gentle kiss on his forehead I remind myself he is still my baby. Tell him I love him and then night night sweet dreams before I sneak for my me time.

Before hearing a massive thud as the little horror catapults poor Dusty Krapper (the way he says Dusty Krophopper) down the stairs. Naughty boy.

He is not asleep. Nor has any intention of going to sleep.

And of course now the Baby is awake.

Cycle continues.

Me time abolished……my temper is rising….blood boiling…..And to be honest, all thoughts of cuddles forgotten as I thunder back up the stairs to put the pair of them BACK TO BED!

SleepingThe Toddler actually asleep



  1. July 10, 2015 / 9:13 am

    YOu must have the patience of a saint hun! I find it frustrating with just the one! Having 2 is a bit crazy. I hope you managed to get them back to bed and to sleep and got some of your evening. You do really resent not having that “me time” don’t you? xx #effitfriday

    • Laura
      July 10, 2015 / 11:22 am

      I do indeed I find it makes me a better mum if I get chance to recharge. Plus the pair of them are weasels with no sleep! X

  2. July 10, 2015 / 11:12 am

    Oh no! These children, they’re tired but won’t sleep. It always confuses me! I just at the chance for bedtime these days! I feel your frustration at bedtime, you know we’re going through similar. But you’re right and that’s so sweet. We just have to be there with them. When they’re not crying and they just want cuddles and a chat (mine isn’t at ‘chatting’ stage yet) then we need to make the most of it. Lovely post! xx

  3. July 10, 2015 / 11:18 am

    I have these struggles with my toddler and 5 year old right now, almost every night I feel like I’m a broken record telling them to go to sleep, trouble is once they are asleep they look so bloody adorable that you forget it all, until the next night that is… #effitfriday

  4. July 10, 2015 / 11:33 am

    Ah bless you hon that sounds exhausting – you are such a trooper! #effitfriday

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:37 pm

      Thanks lovely – end of my tether writing that whilst forcing my boob into the baby’s mouth and shouting at the toddler to head back to bed!

  5. July 10, 2015 / 11:39 am

    I think you’ve pretty much described my first couple of months when I moved to AD. Welcome to the club my love. If its any consolation, my 2 and 3 have been much better simultaneous sleepers than the first two, so third time lucky? x

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:37 pm

      Thanks Keri…… third time never the husband has decreed! X

  6. July 10, 2015 / 11:45 am

    Oh blimey Laura I’m exhausted just reading that! We struggle with just the one. Fair play to you doing both bedtimes simultaneously. You deserve a badge! #effitFriday

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:38 pm

      Thanks Lisa! My blood pressure doesn’t thank me for attempting it! X

  7. July 10, 2015 / 4:10 pm

    Oh how I hear you on this one! I spend what feels like hours being a night time slave to the four children lol #effitfriday

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:39 pm

      I can’t imagine having to put four children to bed!

  8. July 10, 2015 / 5:07 pm

    The name of my blog came from that time of night when the kids are finally asleep and you get to sit down, drop those ice cubes and watch what you want to watch.

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:40 pm

      I love that time of night…..

  9. July 10, 2015 / 5:29 pm

    This sounds so frustrating! The snuggles part sounds nice but all the other parts round it would have me ready to cry lol Thanks for hosting #effitfriday

    • Laura
      July 11, 2015 / 7:40 pm

      Oh I did cry Debbie. At what point all of us did x

  10. July 10, 2015 / 7:12 pm

    If it’s any consolation, sometimes bedtime here is awful, and I tear my hair out too!

  11. July 11, 2015 / 11:51 pm

    I feel for you – Oliver never goes to bed before 9.30. In fact if he doesn’t have a nap and then falls asleep early he is then up and down all night and has a terrible sleep! However, I just lay with him until he falls asleep. And that is the reason I do not have another child, I don’t think I could cope, so I applaud you for doing baby and toddler bed time. We will have another baby eventually, but when Oliver can get himself to bed or understand that I need time to settle baby etc. #effitfriday

    • Laura
      July 13, 2015 / 10:28 pm

      Oh it’s such a fine line between napping and no napping. Bed time is all out of whack and still trying to establish a routine to get them both down. I’m sure it will get better…. i hope! X

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