You might think that the Spice Girls were only formed yesterday, you’d be wrong. It was 20 years ago. So even though you still feel like that teenage girl prancing round her room singing “Wannabe” into her hairbrush. You are a long way from there now.
And it’s NOT cool that you still prance around singing Spice Girls. And pretend to know the dance to “Stop Right Now”. And do it badly.
You’re a responsible mother to two small humans. Humans that depend on you. That look up to you. That rely on you. That right now think your dancing round to the Spice Girls is hilarious. Trust me. Give them time and you’ll be met with an eye roll. You’re a mother now.
Those two small humans have changed you. You’re a mother now.
Perception of life have changed. More importantly perceptions on hairstyles have changed. Gone are the days of lovingly curling and tonging your hair. Or heading to the hairdressers to have a curly blow (Liverpool style from your days in the ‘Pool. FYI calling it the ‘Pool has never been cool or accepted. Please cease immediately) even further behind are the poker straight days of finding out ghds could tame your frizzy mane. No, these days you sport the “mum” do. The pulled back pony tail with a sprinkling of talc to hide the fact you’ve not washed it in a week. The talc is fooling no one. You’re a mother now.
Gone too are the days of the size
10 12 fitted clothes. While your clothes may be an optimistic size 12, they are now floaty and empire waisted. To hide the control pants you wear on special occasions. And to allow you to breeeathe on the normal days. You’re a mother now.
Gone are the days of underwire. They left when you realised how uncomfortable it is having your boobs lifted off your belly button. Which leads nicely to gone are the days of perky boobs. Of being able to leave the house wearing NO BRA and not tripping over said boobs. Of nipples being normal sized instead of dinner plate. You may as well stop kidding yourself that they will return to normal. They won’t. Save for a boob job or embrace them. With your knees maybe? You’re a mother now.
Gone are the days that you required concealer to hide the bags under your eyes from that one drink after a long day in the office turning into a night of raving debauchery culminating with you dancing on the bar whilst being that oh so classy bird that those around you have come to know and love, chugging straight from the bottle. No, these days, the concealer. Which by the way you need to BUY A NEW ONE, is used to hide the fact that you have been up through the night with one or both boys, hoiking out the now ruined mammaries for the little one and providing your greasy ponytail for the big one to use as a comfort blanket. Again. You only use it on special occasions, may I suggest this becomes an every day occurrence so you look a bit less haggard? You’re a mother now.
Gone are the days of ensuring perfect grooming from eyebrow hair to bikini waxing. May I take a second to remind you of the monkey incident with the Toddler? Being shamed into personal grooming by a 2 and a half year old BUT not actually doing anything about it because you’re too tired. You’re a mother now.
Gone are the days of heel wearing and that lovely sound they make as they trip trap across the floor. The nice rhythm beat they make. Nope, these days it’s all about flip flops. And it’s true what they say, wearing flip flops constantly makes your feet fat so you no longer fit into all your pretty heels. And they are still pretty. Just go look and stroke them. They miss you. But you’re feet are fat now. And you’re a mother now.
Gone are the days of long, lazy lunches with friends. Where you convince each other that it’s a good idea to drink during the day. It’s not. It leads to bed at 6pm and memory black outs. Having the boys has lessened your ability to drink not increased your capacity. Though it’s potentially increased your need….. You’re a mother now.
Gone are many, many things. Some, because of this thing called motherhood. Some because let’s face it, it was time they were left behind, much like shoulder pads in the 80’s. No more fake eyelashes (spiders legs). No more spontaneity instead meticulous planning is required for a trip to the corner shop. No more putting yourself first. No more low cut tops (lets face it your boobs just ain’t cut out for it any more). No more wearing contact lenses because you’re too afraid you’ll poke yourself in the eye from tiredness. No more decluttered house, and you know that the Toddler will know if you throw that one manky piece of Lego away. Less silence. More crying, but more laughter too. You’re a mother now.
Let’s face it, life has changed beyond all recognition since these 2 monsters came on the scene.
You’re a mother now.
And you wouldn’t have it any other way. But please.
Put down the hairbrush.
And turn the Spice Girls off.
Love me x x x
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