Motherhood: You Are Not Alone

Earlier this week I had coffee with a (new) friend who also happens to have a 3 year old while the Big One was at nursery.  Talk turned to the challenging behaviour exhibited by said 3 year olds, including,  but not limited to, back chat, hitting, biting and screaming.  It was just so lovely to know that I wasn’t alone, that someone else out there is facing the same issues and problems.  It made me think back across the past three years of this parenting gig, and how it was always such a relief to find someone else going through the same. Someone else having the same struggles, realising that in fact, you are not alone.

You are not alone.

When you’re pacing with a screaming newborn and you have no idea what to do.  You haven’t even the first thought of how to begin attempting to stop the crying.  You just want to breakdown and cry as well, so you do.

newborn

You are not alone.

When you feel like you should be following what the books say but your baby hasn’t got that memo yet.  It’s lunchtime already and he’s doing something completely different to what he did yesterday.  You can’t work out if he’s tired, or hungry, or both.

books

You are not alone.

At 3am when you’re up trying to put the baby back to sleep.  Feeding.  Rocking.  Pacing.  Squeezing random sleep inducing toys like the Whisbear in order to play the soothing white noise.  And not being sure if it’s for you or the baby any more.

You are not alone.

When you’ve heard the evening go on downstairs without you and have a plate of cold dinner sat on the side.  As you raised your fork to your mouth for that first delicious mouthful and the cry of doom was heard. So you are left alone upstairs as you battle once more to get the baby back to sleep.

sleeping baby

You are not alone.

When you’re heart sinks at the text message saying “I’ll be late tonight.” And the thought of doing bathtime and bedtime on your own fills you with dread and worry that they’ll run rings around you when all you want to do is curl up and sleep yourself.

sleeping

You are not alone.

When the lovingly prepared meals, filled with 5 a day, cut and arranged to be aesthetically pleasing gets hurled to the floor. Again. More waste. The demands for crisps, biscuits, jam sandwiches begin. Feeding them the best of the worst just so they eat. Bargaining. Hoping. Wishing they’d just eat for once.

You are not alone.

When the Baby won’t nap and the Big One won’t either. While the house slowly and systematically gets destroyed around you with toys being pulled out left, right and centre. When you resort to the TV and maybe even the dreaded pig (you all know who I mean) to give you 5 minutes break.

ipad

You are not alone.

When the cup of tea you made at 9am this morning is still sat on the side when your husband walks through the door despite having been in the microwave four times.

You are not alone.

When the evening rolls round and you’ve battled the children into bed. Then just want to sit there saying nothing because you have nothing left to say after spending a day answering to repetitive shouts of Mummy. Mummy. Mummy.

You are not alone.

When you swear the Big One is purposefully trying to wind you up all day. He’s hitting the Baby. Snatching his toys away. Shouting. Stomping. You’re left wondering where the lovely little boy you know has gone.

You are not alone.

Where 4 days out of 5 you’ve resorted to eating takeaway because it’s easier.

You are not alone.

Where you feel the last little piece of patience trickle away and want to put your head in your hands, crying.

you are not alone

You are not alone.

Someone else has been there. Someone else is still there. Someone else will get there. Parenthood isn’t easy. It isn’t Instagram perfect. It isn’t always the happy moments you see shared.

I’ve been there. Most days I’m still there. You are not alone. It’s not just you. It’s not just your baby. Someone else is there too.

This too shall pass, but it doesn’t always make the next stage easier. It just brings different challenges alongside different joys.

You are not alone.

And there are joys along the way. The squishy newborn cuddles. The great big Toddler hugs. The heartwarming sound of “I love you Mummy”. The slobbery kisses. Watching them battle to learn new milestones. Watching them make friends. Seeing the children you love so much grow into their own little people.

You do all of that. Through every minute where you feel so alone please remember that you’re not. Someone else is there too. With the same battles. Reach out. Connect. Remember.

You are not alone.

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26 Comments

  1. Sarah
    February 4, 2016 / 9:32 pm

    Awww 🙂 this was so heart warming to read hun. Wish I had something like this to help me keep fighting on when my little ones were younger x #commenter 8
    Sarah recently posted…TRYING TO FIT IN AS A PARENTMy Profile

  2. February 5, 2016 / 12:45 am

    Oh so true – but it does sometimes feel like you are the only one going through ‘it’ doesn’t it? I am in the thick of my threenager’s challenging behaviour – it’s tough! Kaz x
    Ickle Pickle recently posted…Five Great Parks in LondonMy Profile

  3. February 5, 2016 / 12:46 am

    This is so true and not a lot of mums realise it at the time. I just got on with things and had an easy time of it with N, but so many struggle for various reasons.
    Emma T recently posted…Trusting children to make friendsMy Profile

  4. February 5, 2016 / 1:07 am

    This was so good to read. Nice to know I am not the only one! Always seems to look like everyone is handling it like a pro!

  5. February 5, 2016 / 2:20 am

    This! It is so easy to revert into a bubble, it’s an overwhelming experience and often you are left feeling alone and guilty. We all see those IG pics and see other people who seem to be doing better than you, but reality is everyone has the same moments of rubbish, parents unite together!
    Danielle Parker recently posted…Why we LOVE LEGOLAND Windsor…My Profile

  6. February 5, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    And truly you are not alone because you have all of the bloggers behind you. I hope that everything gets better in time and we are here if you need help
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…Friday Lookbook: The Pastel EditMy Profile

  7. February 5, 2016 / 5:00 pm

    This is so, so beautiful and a post I really needed to read today. It’s so nice to see written down that you are not alone, because somedays it can be so hard to believe that. You don’t realise how hard parenting can be until you are one. It’s rewarding, incredible, beautiful…but also at times so isolating. xx
    Chloe recently posted…CURIOUS LITTLE EXPLORERS #3My Profile

  8. February 5, 2016 / 6:18 pm

    I really love this post, it’s so true. It can be really tough and really relentless at times, and it can be really isolating – especially those early days when it can feel like getting downstairs was a mammoth task never mind leaving the house!
    Jenni – Odd Socks and Lollipops recently posted…Boo is starting nursery (again)My Profile

  9. February 5, 2016 / 10:55 pm

    I am not a mummy yet and can only imagine what it must be like, #I will definitely share this with my SIL so she knows she is not alone especially now that L is 3 and can be difficult at times
    Miranda (Anosa) recently posted…Business as usual in the corporate worldMy Profile

  10. Emily
    February 7, 2016 / 9:53 pm

    Such a relief to read this post, I really can be lonely in those small hours with little ones. I too know the pain of raising a fork to my mouth and never quite getting that first bite. THANK YOU!!

  11. February 7, 2016 / 11:08 pm

    This is an absolutely brilliant post. All of those things (except the tea because thankfully I don’t drink hot drinks that get cold) I can relate too. Well done.
    Jodie recently posted…My Sunday Photo 2016 – 6/52My Profile

  12. February 9, 2016 / 12:56 am

    This is so true, it can be so lonely when your going through hard bits. Pulling your hair out and thinking no one else has been through this, but they have. Thanks for a lovely post
    Stephanie recently posted…Our Legoland animation funMy Profile

  13. February 9, 2016 / 1:30 am

    Great post 🙂 I have experienced all of these and can relate to the 3year old comments!! I sometimes wonder if the behaviour we see is normal its a relief to hear it is. Many of my friends don’t talk about it and you kinda of wonder if its just yours. As for the newborn you have reminded me of all the good things I have to look forward to 🙂 lol. Thanks for joining us as #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x

  14. February 10, 2016 / 3:42 am

    I know I will be repeating this post like a mantra tomorrow when my 18 month old throws his dinner on the floor and refuses to eat again. Thanks for writing this! #twinklytuesday
    Single Mum Speaks recently posted…CBeebies Takes Over My BrainMy Profile

  15. February 25, 2016 / 1:35 pm

    Thank you!!!
    Struggling quite a bit this week because I’m tired from being away on a hen weekend…self inflicted I know! I should be happy I had break…but….
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 17My Profile

  16. February 25, 2016 / 2:34 pm

    This post made me quite emotional. Such a a great peice of writing! I so often feel like when we struggle with sleeping and eating, which are still quite bad 18 months old, that I am the only one. Which I know is quite irrational but it the moment sometimes you do feel alone. Thanks for the reminder xxx #coolmumclub
    Kat @ Eat.Love.Live recently posted…7 Mother’s Day Gift Ideas – For Under £5My Profile

  17. February 25, 2016 / 4:07 pm

    love love love love love this. Thank you for writing it. Should be printed out in it’s 1000s (laminated) and given to mums leaving hospital with a newborn xo

  18. February 26, 2016 / 1:32 am

    Lovely post. I agree with Hannah above! It’s good to be reminded of these things. Glad I’m not the only one microwaving my tea 4 times and then still not drinking it! #coolmumclub

  19. Jane Allen
    May 29, 2016 / 12:33 am

    Motherhood can be downright tough. Knowing that you’re not alone is enough comfort. For those days when things don’t go as planned. And, that’s the reason I read mum blogs, especially those who’re not afraid to be honest, like yours. You help me through tough times. Thanks for being YOU!

  20. July 15, 2016 / 8:32 am

    God, I needed this today! I have had such a rough 2 weeks with Erin. Yesterday I sat on the kitchen floor crying because it was the only place where she wasn’t crying! I have felt like the worst and most useless mum all week because I haven’t been able to comfort her or figure out what she wanted.
    Lyndsey O’Halloran recently posted…Product review: Kidloland AppMy Profile

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