With the coronavirus pandemic looming over us, we have been struggling with our feelings surrounding our expat life.
Should we stay, be with my husband who is tied here with his job, and just accept that the children might not be back at school until 2021. Or if they are it could be limited face-to-face interactions.
Should we go. Move into our house once it completes and take places in school which will go back, but not necessarily remain open. Mindful of potential second (or third) waves in both countries.
Should we go?
Head back to the green and pleasant lands? Be closer to my mum, who lives on her own? Be able to see my brother? Make sure we have our wills written, power of attorney sorted out (using the likes of family law services from Prime Lawyers)? Do we need to take advice taken on living in separate countries? Both legally and from those who have done it?
Can I commit to living apart for an unspecified period? To taking the boys away from Daddy. And not know when we will be able to be together due to quarantining rules?
Split our family up and not know whether it is the right decision as we don’t have a crystal ball to see into the future.
Should we stay?
Together, as a family. The boys being able to see their daddy day in, day out, in the flesh rather than through a screen on Zoom.
With the added stress that we still aren’t sure on what school will look like. How it will look. What will be permitted as COVID-19 continues it’s reign of terror across the world.
Will the boys be in school, directly, this term?
Will we face another term of home schooling?
Because if we are I am not sure I can face it. The daily battles, fights, arguments. Begging, pleading, cajoling. And that’s just with my five year old.
It nearly broke me back in the summer and I am not sure I can face it again, coupled with the fact that the boys are moving schools here in Qatar.
I feel stuck in a catch 22
A total, damned if I do, damned if I don’t scenario, where I’m not sure what is for the best.
My mind swings between one and the other on an hourly basis. Yes, we should go. No, we should stay.
The big thing for me, and what is currently driving my decision, is that I do not want to split my family up unless absolutely necessary. I don’t want to live away from my husband, to lose the other half of my parenting team. I don’t want to take the boys away from their daddy for an unspecified period of time.
Though ask me again if I have to start remote learning with the boys and my answer may be different….
What I do know though, is that there is no right or wrong answer in this scenario. Whichever we choose, and we do debate this nightly going round and round in circles, will be the right decision at the time. And we’re lucky enough to have options available.
Until then, I’m going to try keep positive, looking for rainbows and on the lighter side of life. Enjoy the baby kisses and relish in the good moments.