Disgusting Things I Do Now I’m a Mum

I knew that becoming a mum would change my life.  Having small people dependent on you kind of does that.  What I wasn’t prepared for was quite how disgusting I’d become as a mum.

I thought I had standards.

I was wrong.

I lick the Calpol syringe to catch drops

But mainly because I like the taste.

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I sleep in a bed that’s got baby vom, milk and poop in

If I changed it every time any of these substances ended up in our bed I’d be changing it twice a day. So I baby wipe and muslin it up.

I don’t have that many sheets.

Besides it saves water not to wash so often?

I do draw the line at toddler poop though…

I pick the Toddlers bogey encrusted nose

Strangely satisfying. A habit that must stop as the Toddler has taken to picking his own nose and handing me the bogey.

I handle (and eat) half chewed food

The toddler hands me a half eaten mushed banana. When there is no bin around. And I’ve had no breakfast. May as well eat it!

I inspect poo

I speak a lot of poo, it’s one of the lessons learnt in early motherhood, poo bonds us all. When the Toddler was first starting to wean I used to check his poo for undigested food (gross I know) but I could tell then what he was eating.

I have no issue being vommed on, in fact I try to catch it to avoid stains

Kids get sick. A lot. Especially when they start mixing with other kids and nursery. When kids are sick they need a lot of cuddles to feel better. My boys are too little to know to be sick in the toilet or a bowl so instead they generally just throw up all over me. I’m ok with this and will sit in sick covered clothes rubbing their back until they get it all up and feel better. My birthday was a prime example of spending the day covered in Toddler puke. Ah well 32 wasn’t a special age at all.

I spot clean the house

Instead of pulling the mop out to clean the floor I sweep up and baby wipe the random sticky spots. And often wonder what on earth caused said sticky spots. Yuk.

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I leave the house with baby sick down my back and in my hair

The baby was sick so often one day last week that in the space one 6 hours he wore 5 different outfits. Myself and my dress weathered the same storm. I only wore the one dress. And kept it on until I got in the bath that night. At 9pm. And washed the sick out of my hair.

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I’m a terminal bum sniffer

Not only of my own children but of other peoples children (provided I know them of course) I often play sniff the culprit. To be fair it’s because 9 times out of 10 the culprit belongs to me and it’s not fair to inflict the stench of the Toddler onto anyone else.

After the bum sniff, I’m the finger hooker

You know just in case that deep inhalation of poo wasn’t enough of an idea that I’ve got to go on poo patrol I hoike the back of the nappy and have a good old peer down.

On occasion the poo has shot up the back a little. Less of an issue with the baby. More of an issue with the Toddler.

Maybe it’s time to potty train.

Whay about you? What disgusting habits have you formed since you became a mum?

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29 Comments

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:17 pm

      Haha! Glad to know I’m not alone in my disgustingness

  1. August 24, 2015 / 4:17 pm

    That’s all me as well. Include to that list drink the juice or milk with baby spit, you know where they have a change of heart and decided they don’t want that kind of lemonade and put it back in the glass.
    Abigail recently posted…Wilton Method of Cake Decorating Course 1, Day 2My Profile

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:17 pm

      Oh backwash. I forgot backwash!!

  2. SJ
    August 31, 2015 / 12:22 am

    I have laid in bed many times and said just be sick on me, thinking it’s easier to change my clothes than the bedding. Totally gross I know! X

    • September 1, 2015 / 10:26 pm

      Haha but oh so true! I hate changing the bed x

  3. Rachel
    August 31, 2015 / 12:24 am

    Anyone else not have time to shower every day and sometimes has a “wet wipe wash”?!

    • September 1, 2015 / 10:27 pm

      Ala festival wash? As long as I have no baby sick visible and heavy deodorant then I’m good 🙂

  4. September 2, 2015 / 10:42 am

    A brilliant post! I do ALL of these things too. I especially love licking the Calpol syringe! 😀

    #bestandworst

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:03 pm

      Me too that’s my favourite 🙂 xx

  5. September 2, 2015 / 11:19 am

    Hahahaha so funny and yes all so disgusting too. The other day I was scrubbing poo off the stair and just burst into tears “what has my life become” I thought haha sad times! x #bestandworst
    Mary recently posted…Headstone ShoppingMy Profile

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:04 pm

      Could have been worse could have been off your shorts…… or your leg??? X

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:05 pm

      Disgustingly satisfying I’d say x

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:05 pm

      Haha that’s the worry isn’t it, it becomes normal rather than disgusting!

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:33 pm

      Oh yes! Baby wipes are sent from the angels xx

  6. September 2, 2015 / 3:10 pm

    Whilst typing this Henry is currently (& finally I may say) having his rather belated morning poo. And I’m so elated. We can finally leave the house. Yep, bum sniffing in public and jumping up and down for joy when your son has finally gone is apparently unacceptable. Well to non-parents – or worst those with grown up ones and have forgotten what its like.

    But I have to give it to Little Monkey, he did give me some crusted snots to have a go at this morning whilst waiting for said poo to come along.

    Loved this post,

    Renee @PeonieandMe #bestandworst x

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:34 pm

      Whoop! Go Henry – also on the list of unacceptable behaviour is whooping for other peoples poo habits. Oh well – whoop whoop!

  7. September 2, 2015 / 4:15 pm

    Mine was almost a year old before my wife and I had a conversation that didn’t at some point turn to poop talk
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…10 Tips for TeensMy Profile

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:36 pm

      Haha!!! I think we’re at 3 years of daily poo talk. With 2 boys I fully expect that to continue as they find poo hilarous. Well the (near) 3 yo does and I expect the baby to follow in his brothers footsteps!

  8. September 2, 2015 / 5:13 pm

    Haha I could have written this. I do them all. Especially the spot clinic and peeking down the back of the nappy! I mean who has time to deep clean seriously??? Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and see you soon xx

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:37 pm

      I can’t wait for potty training as toddler poo peeking is starting to get dangerously close to my fingers. Yuk!!!

  9. September 15, 2015 / 7:58 am

    Lovely to know I’m not the only one who boogey picks :-). I’ve drastically reduced its frequency because I don’t want to encourage my toddler to poke my nose or dig too much into his. 🙂 #CommentLuv
    Adventures of a Novice Mum recently posted…Win a Baker Days Letterbox CakeMy Profile

    • September 18, 2015 / 12:39 am

      I would recommend stopping the picking unless you want to be handed bogey….xx

  10. December 5, 2016 / 3:55 pm

    Ha!!! This post is so true!!! I, too, was a poop sniffer outer and still a professional throw up catcher. Before becoming a mom, I would’ve never thought I would be doing half the stuff I do now.

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