Disgusting Things I Do Now I’m a Mum

Disgusting Things I Do Now I’m a Mum

I knew that becoming a mum would change my life.  Having small people dependent on you kind of does that.

What I wasn’t prepared for was quite how disgusting I’d become as a mum.

I thought I had standards, I was wrong.

I lick the Calpol syringe to “catch the drips”

But mainly because it’s because I like the taste.

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I (used to) sleep in a bed with unidentifiable stains in it

Back when the small one was a baby there were many, MANY, unidentifiable bodily fluids across our bed.  Be them for desperate attempts to get more sleep and bed sharing.

Milk stains from nights spent breastfeeding.  Spit up.  The occasional streak of explosive nappy.

Yet I was so tired at night I crawled between those sheets and closed my eyes for the briefest of respites before my sleep hating baby required my services once again.

I pick bogey encrusted noses

Strangely satisfying….

I spot clean the house

With baby wipes mainly.  Just one of the many, many uses for these miracle wipes.

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I handle (and eat) half chewed food

A half eaten mushed banana gets handed to me. I eat it.

Mangled crackers make their way to my bag?  Somehow ends up in my mouth.

Spat out grapes?  Straight to me.

Pre-licked chocolate biscuits?  All mine.

I inspect poo

I speak a lot of poo, it’s one of the lessons learnt in early motherhood, poo bonds us all.

Weaning babies?  A quick inspection of the nappy contents and you can tell what has and hasn’t made it from the highchair into your child.

And now?  Well now I get called upon to inspect the contents of the toilet.  And applaud accordingly.

 

I leave the house with unidentified objects down my back and in my hair

Baby sick, baby poop, mushed banana, peanut butter, paint, chalk, smushed play doh.  All examples of what has been smeared across me as I left the house for a public space.

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I’m a terminal bum sniffer

Not only of my own children but of other peoples children (provided I know them of course) I often play sniff the culprit.

You know, that whiff of poo across the air and the defeated look of mums as we realise that one of us is on nappy changing duty.

Not content with JUST the bum sniff, I’m the finger hooker

You know just in case that deep inhalation of poo wasn’t enough of an idea that I’ve got to go on poo patrol I hoike the back of the nappy and have a good old peer down.

And if I’m unlucky manage to stick my finger straight into the poo….

 

What about you? What disgusting habits have you formed since you became a mum?

 

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29 Comments

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:17 pm

      Haha! Glad to know I’m not alone in my disgustingness

  1. August 24, 2015 / 4:17 pm

    That’s all me as well. Include to that list drink the juice or milk with baby spit, you know where they have a change of heart and decided they don’t want that kind of lemonade and put it back in the glass.
    Abigail recently posted…Wilton Method of Cake Decorating Course 1, Day 2My Profile

    • August 29, 2015 / 6:17 pm

      Oh backwash. I forgot backwash!!

  2. SJ
    August 31, 2015 / 12:22 am

    I have laid in bed many times and said just be sick on me, thinking it’s easier to change my clothes than the bedding. Totally gross I know! X

    • September 1, 2015 / 10:26 pm

      Haha but oh so true! I hate changing the bed x

  3. Rachel
    August 31, 2015 / 12:24 am

    Anyone else not have time to shower every day and sometimes has a “wet wipe wash”?!

    • September 1, 2015 / 10:27 pm

      Ala festival wash? As long as I have no baby sick visible and heavy deodorant then I’m good 🙂

  4. September 2, 2015 / 10:42 am

    A brilliant post! I do ALL of these things too. I especially love licking the Calpol syringe! 😀

    #bestandworst

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:03 pm

      Me too that’s my favourite 🙂 xx

  5. September 2, 2015 / 11:19 am

    Hahahaha so funny and yes all so disgusting too. The other day I was scrubbing poo off the stair and just burst into tears “what has my life become” I thought haha sad times! x #bestandworst
    Mary recently posted…Headstone ShoppingMy Profile

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:04 pm

      Could have been worse could have been off your shorts…… or your leg??? X

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:05 pm

      Disgustingly satisfying I’d say x

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:05 pm

      Haha that’s the worry isn’t it, it becomes normal rather than disgusting!

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:33 pm

      Oh yes! Baby wipes are sent from the angels xx

  6. September 2, 2015 / 3:10 pm

    Whilst typing this Henry is currently (& finally I may say) having his rather belated morning poo. And I’m so elated. We can finally leave the house. Yep, bum sniffing in public and jumping up and down for joy when your son has finally gone is apparently unacceptable. Well to non-parents – or worst those with grown up ones and have forgotten what its like.

    But I have to give it to Little Monkey, he did give me some crusted snots to have a go at this morning whilst waiting for said poo to come along.

    Loved this post,

    Renee @PeonieandMe #bestandworst x

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:34 pm

      Whoop! Go Henry – also on the list of unacceptable behaviour is whooping for other peoples poo habits. Oh well – whoop whoop!

  7. September 2, 2015 / 4:15 pm

    Mine was almost a year old before my wife and I had a conversation that didn’t at some point turn to poop talk
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…10 Tips for TeensMy Profile

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:36 pm

      Haha!!! I think we’re at 3 years of daily poo talk. With 2 boys I fully expect that to continue as they find poo hilarous. Well the (near) 3 yo does and I expect the baby to follow in his brothers footsteps!

  8. September 2, 2015 / 5:13 pm

    Haha I could have written this. I do them all. Especially the spot clinic and peeking down the back of the nappy! I mean who has time to deep clean seriously??? Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and see you soon xx

    • September 2, 2015 / 6:37 pm

      I can’t wait for potty training as toddler poo peeking is starting to get dangerously close to my fingers. Yuk!!!

  9. September 15, 2015 / 7:58 am

    Lovely to know I’m not the only one who boogey picks :-). I’ve drastically reduced its frequency because I don’t want to encourage my toddler to poke my nose or dig too much into his. 🙂 #CommentLuv
    Adventures of a Novice Mum recently posted…Win a Baker Days Letterbox CakeMy Profile

    • September 18, 2015 / 12:39 am

      I would recommend stopping the picking unless you want to be handed bogey….xx

  10. December 5, 2016 / 3:55 pm

    Ha!!! This post is so true!!! I, too, was a poop sniffer outer and still a professional throw up catcher. Before becoming a mom, I would’ve never thought I would be doing half the stuff I do now.

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