I knew that becoming a mum would change my life. Having small people dependent on you kind of does that. What I wasn’t prepared for was quite how disgusting I’d become as a mum.
I thought I had standards.
I was wrong.
I lick the Calpol syringe to catch drops
But mainly because I like the taste.
I sleep in a bed that’s got baby vom, milk and poop in
If I changed it every time any of these substances ended up in our bed I’d be changing it twice a day. So I baby wipe and muslin it up.
I don’t have that many sheets.
Besides it saves water not to wash so often?
I do draw the line at toddler poop though…
I pick the Toddlers bogey encrusted nose
Strangely satisfying. A habit that must stop as the Toddler has taken to picking his own nose and handing me the bogey.
I handle (and eat) half chewed food
The toddler hands me a half eaten mushed banana. When there is no bin around. And I’ve had no breakfast. May as well eat it!
I inspect poo
I speak a lot of poo, it’s one of the lessons learnt in early motherhood, poo bonds us all. When the Toddler was first starting to wean I used to check his poo for undigested food (gross I know) but I could tell then what he was eating.
I have no issue being vommed on, in fact I try to catch it to avoid stains
Kids get sick. A lot. Especially when they start mixing with other kids and nursery. When kids are sick they need a lot of cuddles to feel better. My boys are too little to know to be sick in the toilet or a bowl so instead they generally just throw up all over me. I’m ok with this and will sit in sick covered clothes rubbing their back until they get it all up and feel better. My birthday was a prime example of spending the day covered in Toddler puke. Ah well 32 wasn’t a special age at all.
I spot clean the house
Instead of pulling the mop out to clean the floor I sweep up and baby wipe the random sticky spots. And often wonder what on earth caused said sticky spots. Yuk.
I leave the house with baby sick down my back and in my hair
The baby was sick so often one day last week that in the space one 6 hours he wore 5 different outfits. Myself and my dress weathered the same storm. I only wore the one dress. And kept it on until I got in the bath that night. At 9pm. And washed the sick out of my hair.
I’m a terminal bum sniffer
Not only of my own children but of other peoples children (provided I know them of course) I often play sniff the culprit. To be fair it’s because 9 times out of 10 the culprit belongs to me and it’s not fair to inflict the stench of the Toddler onto anyone else.
After the bum sniff, I’m the finger hooker
You know just in case that deep inhalation of poo wasn’t enough of an idea that I’ve got to go on poo patrol I hoike the back of the nappy and have a good old peer down.
On occasion the poo has shot up the back a little. Less of an issue with the baby. More of an issue with the Toddler.
Maybe it’s time to potty train.
Whay about you? What disgusting habits have you formed since you became a mum?
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