The Toddler-o’s Daddy (the Mummy Alternative to The Gruffalos Child)

After reading a fantastic piece on The Toddler-o, the Mummy’s Alternative to The Gruffalo over on Life Love and Dirty Dishes, it really inspired my creative side.  Which to be fair I didn’t know I had until recently.  And my thought process went as follows, if the Gruffalo has a sequel with the Gruffalos Child, what would the sequel to the Toddler-O be, having a child would be a bit silly, Mummy features as the “mouse” so what about bringing Daddy on board?

And so, The Toddler-o’s Daddy was born.

Late one night in the Toddler-o’s room

He spoke to his daddy a tale full of doom
“No leave me Daddy, stay my bed”

“But why?” The Toddler-o Daddy said 
“Big bad mummy” the Toddler-o cried
“scary scary me need to hide”
“What does she look like, tell me son, 
Is she terribly mean and scary your Mum?”

“The Big Bad Mummy is terribly loud
Send me naughty corner, shout no allowed
Eyes see everywhere, has beady stare
Look at me and pull out her hair”

Later that night, as the Toddler-o slept
Out of his room his Daddy crept 

The Toddler-o’s Daddy was not scared
As he tiptoed down the long wooden stairs
He made his way through the toy cluttered rooms
Trying to see in the dimly lit gloom 

He tripped on a car and bumped his head
And then appeared the comfy bed
“You’re not the Big Bad Mummy”
“Not I” said bed
“She’s just down the hall eating French bread”

The Daddy tiptoed on through the toy cluttered mess
Muttering and moaning under his breath

He slipped on the Lego that was blocking his path
When out splashed the great big bath
“You’re not the Big Bad Mummy”

“Oh no not I, but she’s somewhere nearby, 
with her feet up, eating fruit pie”

The Daddy tiptoed on through the toy cluttered mess
Muttering and moaning under his breath

Caught his toe on toy made of metal
And as he untangled, bumped into the kettle
“You’re not the Big Bad Mummy”

“Oh no not me 
she’s just relaxing drinking HOT tea” 

“It’s all a trick” said the Toddler-o’s Daddy
The Toddler-o knows Mummy isn’t a baddy
I don’t believe in the Big Bad Mummy
But look there’s my wife who’s looking quite yummy”

He went in for a kiss
But “Wait” said Mummy “There’s something amiss
after my day, I need wine not tea
can you be a dear and fetch it for me?”

The Toddler-o Daddy couldn’t resist
And said “So the Big Bad Mummy does exist”
The Big Bad Mummy sunk down in her chair
And eyed Toddler-o Daddy with her beady stare

But who is this Mummy with hair so frizzy
Eyes darting everywhere making you dizzy
She opens her mouth, the words pour out
Over and over reaching a shout…

“I’ve been home all day, the house is a mess
I’ve been lucky that I managed to dress
I’ve been looking after our boy all day long 
Singing and singing that same d*mn song
The toy cluttered mess, the Toddler-o made 
Doesn’t clean itself up, I feel like a slave”

“The Big Bad Mummy” mutters the Toddler-os Dad
As he scuttles away “I know what will make her less mad”

Mummy watches on, through the toy cluttered mess,
Lifts up her tea and starts to de-stress

The Toddler-os Daddy takes Mummy’s tea
Plonks the wine on the table, says “C’mon tell me”

And so they sit and they chat
About the Toddler-o Brat
They neglect all the chores
While the Toddler-o snores and snores and snores…

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