Summer is here, we’ve had sunny days, and if we haven’t then we may be heading on holiday. One thing we know is that when the temperature starts to crank up, when the sun is cracking the flags, it’s time to perform the dance of the sun cream.
Which is less of a dance, more of a battle…
Step One: Collect your sun cream
A minimum of 7 different tubes of varying SPF, size, price, child screaming ratios. One for face only. One for arms and legs. Another for the back of the neck. One to spray in their hair to protect their scalp. Sun block for risk areas…..
Make sure you’re wearing clothes with multiple pockets and hide the seventeen different tubes about your person.
You are parent. You got this.
Step Two: Round up your child
Meander over to your small people with a secret smile on your face as if you are promising them a treat. They will not be fooled. They will run. They will run fast. If you have more than one they will split up and run in different directions in an attempt to divide and conquer.
You are parent. You can do this.
Step Three: Back child into a corner
After manic running round in circles eventually trap wild child in the corner. They will look at you with big, tear filled eyes do not be fooled they will run again. Harden your heart and pin them in with your leg whilst using one hand to hold an arm, the other to grab the sun cream secreted about your person.
At this point it will feel as though you need to grow an extra 12 limbs, but you’ve got this.
You are parent, you can do it!
Step Four: Apply sun cream
Using your free hand and your mouth simultaneously flip open the sun cream and squeeze onto your hand. In yoga moves that you wouldn’t normally be able to do contort to spread across swathes of skin that are bared, arms, legs. All to the tune of a screaming child getting persistently louder and more piercing as you continue. If you’re extremely lucky the kicking commences around now.
Warning: at the point the child becomes slippery, similar to an eel on speed I’d imagine, so can now slither away from your grasp
You are parent. You will do this.
Step Five: Become a sun cream ninja
The slippery child writhes from your grasp? No problem, block him with a move that would make Bruce Lee weep with pride. The delight in their face as they wrestle an arm out of your grip, springing onto their toes in a bid for freedom to be slapped down with a twist of your body, a leg block and your other hand.
Or pin them down. Whichever works for you.
You are parent, you know.
Step Six: The Face
Quite possibly the pinnacle in sun cream application, saving the worst for last. Thrashing, eyes open, eyes closed, mouth screaming. The nose. Oh the nose needs even coverage.
Two schools of thought; softly, softly, catchee monkee – making it into a little game of tickle. Low success rate, but when it works ear drums are saved. The second? Sit on them and do it fast, quick and dirty!!
I’ll let you work out which one I do.
You are parent, and it’s nearly done.
Step Seven: Battle ends
Until reapplication. Or of course, if you have more than one you then have to chase the next one down to repeat steps 1 through 6 again….