It’s 12:44am and I am hungry. I mean really hungry. Starved in fact. What are you doing to me woman? Do you not realise?
Hmmm. Must cry louder. Harder.
This is taking too long.
It’s 12:45am and you’re only just unclipping your bra?! Do you not realise that I AM STARVING??
This is nice, warm, sleepy, milky. Nice and full, it’s pretty good down here Mummy. It’s soft and it’s cosy. I love you.
Let me just readjust myself and get comfortable.
No, that does not mean I am finished and you can put me down.
NO! I do not care that my eyes were closed.
I. AM. NOT. FINISHED.
I know you can see me in the dark – my eyes are open.
Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?
Helllllllllllllooooo. My eyes are open!
ARE YOU STILL THERE?
MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY – HAVE YOU LEFT ME?
Ah. Hello there Mummy. I was scared that you had left me all alone here. And my tummy is really sore. And I don’t know why. Why is my tummy sore Mummy?
No Mummy, I don’t want feeding now, my tummy is hurting.
Can you do that thing you do? You know, where it feels like I’m flying in the air and you rub my back. It makes me feel so much better Mummy.
Lift me higher, higher.
Rub harder. It’s so close.
Ah, that’s better Mummy thank you. Now then let’s talk for a bit shall we? How was your day? I liked being in the sling today Mummy. It was my favourite part of the day.
I like being close to you, hearing your heartbeat. Rocking as you walk around. You see I still remember that from when I was inside you. Hearing your heartbeat, feeling it.
It feels like that still when I lay my head on your chest Mummy.
And it’s cosy here, smelling you, and the fact I’m close enough to the milk bar to get to it should I feel peckish.
And that sound Mummy. That lovely sound of your heartbeat.
It’s making my eyes feel heavy.
I feel oh so very safe Mummy.
So very safe and so very loved Mummy. This is my favourite place in the whole entire world Mummy.
And listen Mummy. Can you hear that? The quiet of the night. No big brothers jumping on me, jumping on you.
It’s just us here Mummy. Like when I was inside you.
I think I’ll stay like this all night. This is my favourite place to sleep Mummy. Right here, listening to your heart beat Mummy.
No. Please don’t put me down Mummy. I know that you are tired, and I know that you want to sleep but please Mummy? Just a little while longer?
I won’t be this small forever Mummy. Fitting in your arms, snuggling in tightly.
One day it will be the last time you feed me, pick me up, and cuddle me close to sleep. Then the next I won’t do it anymore Mummy.
And right now Mummy, I know it’s hard for you. But it’s hard for me too. I’m learning Mummy. But I need you to help me please.
Sometimes it’s cuddles through the night. Sometimes it’s milk all through the day. Sometimes it’s just the sound of your voice I need.
We’ll get there Mummy.
This too shall pass. And when it does Mummy?
We’ll both miss it.
I love you.