Now you are five years old; a letter to my eldest on his birthday

Now you are five years old.


One moment you were a tiny newborn in my arms, reliant on me for everything, I blinked and now you are a great big five year old.

emergency Caesarean section

A big boy, you tell me.

Much bigger than my brother.

A cautious boy.  Always watching, assessing and deciding if there is danger ahead.

There are times that you lack in self confidence.  Where I know you have the ability but you doubt yourself.  So refuse, and lash out.  I doubt myself then, my parenting and my ability to help you get through, then I realise time and patience is required.  Watching you go from screaming that you can’t get into the pool without your shark fin, that it’s deep, to watching you swim a whole width this week?  Well that’s just amazing.

It was more than the fact that you did it, it was the pride in your face as you beamed at me.  When you came up from the water and told me off for moving backwards then looked and realised what you had done.

The shyness of the “did I swim from over there”?

The delight in the knowledge that you did.

Parenting is not always easy, but it's not always hard

And the wonder that you get to pick your “prize” of the Lloyd Lego Torch Keyring*

Telling me that of course you can do it, because you are nearly five.

Five years old

An age of school.  Of reading, writing and educating.  Wobbles at the classroom door before meeting your friends and running in.  Blowing me kisses.

An age of independence, of setting you free to explore who you are and what you want to do.

Whether that be playing football, swimming or gymnastics.  Learning to read.  Practicing your letters.  It’s all your decisions, your choices.

Five years old

This last year we’ve seen you change, grow, we’ve delighted in the highs of your achievements and struggled with the lows of the f*%&!g fours.

We have had the privilege of seeing you change before our very eyes, to articulate your feelings.  The countless spontaneous “I love yous” bursting forward and the many kisses and cuddles you delight in giving.

Now my baby, my precious first born, you are five.

Five years old.

And I can’t wait to see what the year brings with it, the highs, the lows and the in betweens.

Happy birthday my biggest boy.

I love you.

Parenting is not always easy, but it's not always hard


*this is the Lloyd that is currently flying over to Qatar if you were wondering:

#openletter #birthday #5yearsold #lettertomyson


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