I’m not raising my boys to be great husbands. That is not my role as a mother. That is not the guidance I am giving them, but before you judge me please read on…
First of all we have to look at the “girl power” message, being a girl, or woman, or heck maybe even lady could apply (it couldn’t), I love all the girl power messages that are going out. Girls rule the world ‘Kay?
As a mother of two boys, I take issue with the subtext that girls rule the world, because they don’t. Not on their own anyway.
I want them to realise that the girls that they play with are strong, independent and intelligent. I also want them to realise that the boys that they play with are strong, independent and intelligent. That amongst the friends they make there will be future doctors, lawyers, plumbers, builders, nurses. That they, and their friends, can be whatever they want to be. Regardless of gender.
We’ve spent so long building up the girl power message, and rightly so given the imbalance in years gone by, we seem to have gone too far the other way, we’ve forgotten that boys need building up too. Inspiring you, helping you to build up belief in yourself isn’t gender specific. It is something that all children need. Regardless of gender.
Recently I came across an article written by a mum who was raising her boys to be great husbands. This made me (and others) spit feathers. If an article was written the other way round about raising girls to be great wives there would be uproar. There would be cries of sexism. The aforementioned girl power would rally against this horrific 1950s mindset.
But apparently it’s ok to raise boys to be great husbands. Well I for one am not ok with it. I am not ok with the double standards, and at the end of the day my parenting goals for my boys is not to raise them to be “great husbands”
I’m not raising my boys to be great husbands
I will teach them how to clean, starting small with the dusting, the wiping up of crumbs. The dishes washed and dried. Moving onto the hoover when the Big One gets over his fear of the noise. I will show them how to clean up after themselves and when they make a mess you can believe I will expect them to pick it up.
But that isn’t to make sure that one day they will make someone a great husband. No, I expect them to clean and pick up after themselves for themselves. To take pride in the home I hope they will own one day, to know that I won’t always be there to pick up after them, to have some independence. To help out. To earn pocket money. All of those things. Great husband? Didn’t even cross my mind.
I will teach them how to cook. Everything I know, just like my mum did for me. How to scramble eggs, whip up an impressive pasta dish, make the perfect baked potato. Moving up to full roast dinners, perfect chicken, crispy roasties (and here the husband is laughing at me because my recent roast potato efforts have been laughable). From cracking eggs to measuring out the right amounts of ingredients, I will teach my boys all I know and help them scour the internet to learn more. To indulge the passion that my eldest has for cooking, for baking, for chocolate if I’m completely honest.
But that isn’t to make sure that one day they will make someone a great husband. No. That’s to teach them the basic life skills they need to survive, to thrive. To have them eat more than takeaway and ready meals when their wings are ready to leave the nest. To enable them to make a full meal for friends, to entertain, to explore a love of food. All of this and more than I can ever imagine. Great husband? Doesn’t even come into it.
I will teach them how to wash. What goes with what, temperatures and how much washing powder you need to use. I will teach them that you need to hang some items, some you chuck in the dryer. The buttons you need to press and that the iron is an essential tool.
But that isn’t to make sure that one day they will make someone a great husband. No. That’s to stop them stinking, to have them take pride in their appearance. And to help me out too because I hate laundry days….Great husband? Didn’t even cross my mind.
I will teach them how to clean the toilet. They are boys, they pee standing up. Not sure much more needs to be said on that,,,,
But that isn’t to make sure that one day they will make someone a great husband. No. That’s because no one likes to stand in pee. Or sit in it. Great husband? Didn’t even cross my mind.
I will strive to show my boys how to deal when there are small children around, I dare say I will even encourage them to babysit when they big enough. I have no doubt that I would entrust them with younger children.
But that isn’t to make sure that one day they will make someone a great husband. No. First and foremost Dads don’t babysit, they parent. Secondly, these are also skills they will need to know if they become a parent, things that they need not be afraid of, things I can teach them. Great husband? Wouldn’t even cross my mind.
There are many things I will strive to teach these boys. Ways I will try to lead them, to show them by example. To parent. Not once will I do things with the thought in the back of my mind, oh well I’m raising my boys to be great husbands.
Because I’m not.
I’m raising my boys to be great people, great adults, great men. And in doing these things I am sure that they will be great husbands one day, offering their future partners more than just the life skills I have strived to teach them.
But first and foremost, they will be great for themselves.
You can also find me over on Facebook lamenting all about life with two boys and a husband, would love you to come say hi!