My baby is turning two. TWO!!! My very last ever baby turns the grand old age of two this Easter Sunday. And I can’t quite believe it. We are hurtling out of the baby years at the speed of light and he is a walking, talking, demanding toddler.
I’m so not ready for this! I’m not ready for the terrible twos or the tantrums, for the lack of sleep that is continuing, for the independence he is asserted. But most of all? Most of all I’m not quite ready to admit my baby isn’t a baby any more.
But he isn’t a baby. And with his birthday hurtling towards us I suppose I ought to think about buying him a birthday present. I mean it’s less than two weeks away, and although I’m there with the cake (repurposing his brother’s diggers to recreate the epic digger cake I made for his third birthday) I haven’t really thought about buying my two year old birthday presents.
You see, the things he would really, really like aren’t things that you would necessarily buy….
The leaning tower of Pisa
Made out of toilet rolls.
To knock over. For shredding into teeny tiny snowflakes across the bathroom. And quite possibly most importantly of all for throwing down the toilet…
A magical Peppa machine
Also known as mummy’s iPhone and YouTube. The magical Peppa machine is a wonder to watch that little pink pig on, or to throw on the floor in a fit of rage when he can’t make Peppa come on. Three times my phone has been in for repair in the past three months. One smashed screen and two screen complete failures. After the first time I even bought (the MOST hideous gold) protective cover to stop it happening again. But no, toddlers are a law unto themselves.
Three in three.
My husband was delighted with that…
A never ending food supply
The fridge. More specifically the fridge door.
To stand and try and climb up the shelves.
Open You get the jist right?
A magnifying glass that sits on your face
Or mummys glasses. To pull the arms off.
The entertainment console of doom
You know, the little white square on the wall. With finger sized holes in, or even more fun jigsaw puzzle pieces to pull in and out. Otherwise known as plugs.
Also included in this are those funny machines next to the toilet when we go out and about. You know, those enticing magical boxes that he just needs to touch. You must have seen them? They are so much fun. Sanitary bins. Anyone else not able to pee whilst they’re out?!
Not the actual spinning top toy, oh no. The big machine you can put things in that SPINS! The one where you can probably just about squeeze in and climb in yourself. The washing machine…
A stage to perform on
Otherwise known as the top of the dining room table. Just so he can be seen by all of his adoring fans you know…
The list of a (nearly) two year old birthday presents.
Poor lamb is going to be a little bit disappointed on his birthday when he opens his birthday presents and realises that Mummy (when she gets round to it) has taken to online shopping to buy his birthday present rather than taking inspiration from the list above. No toilet roll tower, no sanitary bin.
And not only that but Mummy has discovered voucher codes site (much to Daddy’s dismay). Every little thing that goes into that basket will be carefully selected due to it’s money off purposes, nothing at all to do with the “he will love it” factor and it will all justified by the fact that the less money that is spent the more birthday presents the two year old can have.
Because of course that is all that he needs is more plastic tat….
Maybe I need to up my game before he turns three, start planning now and avoid all the plastic tat that would invariably end up in my basket and use this guide from My Kid Needs That to find toys that are educational, distinctly unirritating and perfect for both baby and me.
Special thanks to Pink Pear Bear, Toby & Roo, Someones Mum, Twinderelmo for sharing with me just what their toddlers would love to play with if they let them. Seems it doesn’t matter whether you are boy, girl, in the UK or here in the desert. They all want the same disgusting things.