Some days parenting is hard.
Scratch that, some days parenting feels like you’re headed into war with no way to defend yourself.
The days you are sleep deprived, the days that they are sleep deprived.
The days filled with tantrums, the days filled with sulking.
The days that are on repeat where you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall over and over. Screaming into an empty room where no one can hear you.
Some days, this parenting malarkey is tough.
And I’m not afraid to admit that.
That sometimes I cry, they cry and everyone cries. On occasions my tantrums have been louder and stroppier than their tantrums.
That some days I just want it to be bedtime already. Yet it’s only 7:32am.
We’ve had a few of those days lately, more so given that my husband is back in Qatar and it’s just me and the boys.
They miss Daddy, I miss Daddy. We’ve had a climate shock with rain and cold. Then we’ve been busy going out and about visiting.
The boys are acting up.
Each day seems to come riddled with tough moments, and difficult times.
Parenting IS hard
There are moments when I step back and think, woah, no one ever told me it would be like this. That it would be this hard.
When I wander into their room to soothe a nightmare feeling like I’ve only just closed my eyes myself.
When they tip their dinner on the floor because it isn’t the pasta they’ve demanded.
When I break up another fight between them.
When I’m sat outside their room, on the stairs, as they refuse to sleep again.
When I close my eyes for a second, take a deep breath and get on with it.
That doesn’t mean I’m not grateful
Just because I talk openly about the tough times, the sleep deprived moments and the did that seriously just happen bits, does not mean I am not grateful.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t find some magical moment to cling onto every day, be that a cheeky smile, a little hand reaching for mine. Whether it’s the glint in their eyes as they plan something they shouldn’t, or the little reactions that make me laugh when I shouldn’t.
Just because I hold my hands up and say, hang on today I’m finding it tough because…
doesn’t mean I’m not grateful that I get to be a mother to these two wonderful boys.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish the moments I get to spend with my boys, that I don’t thank god every day for bringing them into my life.
Because I could never put into words how grateful I am.
How wonderful they are.
How one small look from them will wipe out hours of irritation in a second.
How the way a small pair of arms around my neck makes my heart sing with joy.
How there are no kisses quite like baby kisses.
How there is nothing more perfect than watching them sleep.
I am grateful for each and every second we get.
But just because I’m grateful, doesn’t make the tough times easy.
Being a parent is something I have always wanted, yet it is a journey that I never expected.
The lows are lower than I imagined, with mum guilt, frustration and sleep deprivation to name but a few. The highs? Well they are higher than the highest and brightest star in the sky.
So the next time someone says to you they’re having a tough day, don’t berate them, don’t tell them they should be so grateful for everything they have. I would put good money on the fact that they are more grateful than they could ever tell you. So give them a hug and a cup of tea and remind them.
Parenthood is one of the toughest things you will do, but you’re doing a fantastic job.